Return to Santa Barbara
by BothWays
Summary: Now a widower, Shawn moves back to Santa Barbara with his two young sons, Skyler and Liam; however, rebuilding burned bridges is never as easy as one would hope. AU
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER** : I do not own _Psych_ , nor any of the characters. So there's that.

 **Author's Note** : I've had this story in my files for awhile, and while it has a decent start to it, I haven't finished it. My summer vacation resolution is to update this story every Saturday. Hold me accountable, peoples! I want to finish a multi-chapter fanfiction this summer, it's my goal.

 **WARNING** : This story AU. I know that this type of story doesn't work for everyone, and I totally get that. I just thought I'd let you know that this is a "What if..." scenario. As the chapters progress, you'll start to see where the original series and this story actually tie together in a messy knot. So there's that. Please enjoy!

* * *

"Hold your brother's hand and stay right here," Shawn said, "I'll be back in just a second."

Skyler sighed and took Liam's hand. The three-year-old tried to squirm away, crying, "No! I don't wanna hold your hand!"

"Dad said, Liam," Skyler scolded, "Stop it."

"No!" wailed Liam, twisting his sticky, pudgy hand out of Skyler's grip. Before he could run away, Skyler caught him by the back of the shirt and pulled him back.

"We have to stay here!" Skyler said.

"I wanna go with Daddy!" Liam cried, "I don't _wanna_ stay with you."

"Too bad for you then," Skyler muttered. He didn't let go of Liam's shirt until Shawn returned from talking to the bank teller.

Shawn frowned. "Skyler, I told you to hold his hand."

"He wouldn't let me," Skyler said.

Shawn said something under his breath as he picked Liam up and started to walk to the door. Skyler followed, but he made sure he twisted his shoes on the polished floor as he went. _Squeak, squeak, squeak._ He didn't care if the lady sitting behind a desk glared at him as he went by. If she didn't like his shoes to squeak on the floor, she should tell the cleaning guy not to make it so shiny and squeaky.

"Skyler. Stop it," Shawn said.

Skyler stopped and looked back at the bank lady. She was smirking.

When they got to the car, Skyler went to his side while Shawn buckled Liam into his car seat. He opened his door, climbed up onto his booster, leaned out to grab the door handle, and pulled it shut with a thud. He buckled his seat belt, then leaned his head against the cool glass of the window. Liam was crying because he _"didn't want back in his seat."_

"Someone needs a nap," Skyler said irritably.

"I do not!" wailed Liam.

"Skyler, don't antagonize your brother," Shawn said.

"It's true though," Skyler said.

 _"_ You're mean!" Liam said.

"Stop it, both of you," Shawn said. "I don't need this right now, okay?"

As they pulled out of the bank parking lot, Liam was still crying. He was mad because his juice was almost gone, and his Goldfish crackers were all spilled on the floor from when he dumped the bag out earlier. Shawn turned up the radio, and Skyler put his arms over his head.

If Mom were here, Skyler thought, she would have another juice box for Liam in her purse, and she would have explained to him that he can't have anymore crackers because he was naughty and dumped the bag out earlier. She would tell Liam he needed to use his inside voice in the car, even though he felt upset, because you have to be considerate of others. She would have made Liam calm down before they were even on the road.

"But Dad just turns up the radio," Skyler whispered bitterly.

 _Shawn used to be a fun dad. He would come home from work, scoop Liam up under one arm and then chase Skyler around the house trying to scoop him up too. Skyler would shout over his shoulder, "I'm not a baby anymore, Dad!" Shawn would just laugh, "You'll always be my little baby, kid! Now get over here!"_

 _Skyler would run, laughing, and Liam would be squealing and reaching out his arms to help Shawn grab Skyler. And they would do this until Katherine would say, "I swear I have three children! Shawn, how many times have I told you not to run in the house?"_

 _"_ _Only, like, a million times," Shawn would exaggerate with a hefty sigh, tossing Liam onto the couch cushions. "Sorry, boys," Shawn would say, "your mom is super boring."_

 _"_ _Excuse me?" Katherine would demand. "You did not just say that, Shawn Spencer."_

 _"_ _What are you gonna do about it?"_

 _"_ _This." Katherine picked up a couch pillow and hit Shawn in the arm._

 _A pillow fight would ensue until no Spencer was left standing._

 _"_ _You're not boring, Mom," Skyler said, throwing his arms around Katherine's neck and kissing her, "You're the best mom in the whole world!"_

 _"_ _Thank you, sweetie. Have I ever told you that you're my favorite Skyler Spencer in the whole world?" Katherine would ask._

 _"_ _Yeah, every day," Skyler would retort._

 _"_ _What about me?" Liam would pipe._

 _"_ _You're my favorite Liam Spencer in the whole world, cutie head."_

Skyler turned to look at Liam now, the toddler screaming in the carseat next to him. His face was bright red, his eyes squeezed shut, snot running down his face. He didn't look like such a 'cutie head' now. Skyler reached over and patted Liam on the arm. "Hey, remember when we would have pillow fights?"

Liam stopped crying, and looked at Skyler for a couple seconds, sniffling and gasping on stifled sobs. "Y-yeah," he said.

"That was fun wasn't it?" Skyler smiled. "Mom used to call you 'cutie head'. Like those little cutie oranges or something. She was silly."

Liam smiled. "I'm her favorite Liam Spencer in the whole world."

"Yeah," Slyer agreed. He turned to look out the window again. "You were."

* * *

Shawn looked in the rearview mirror when Liam suddenly stopped crying. He saw Skyler talking and Liam listening intently. Then Liam smiled and said something back. Shawn couldn't hear them over the radio. He reached out to turn it down, but by the time he got the dial turned, the boys had stopped talking and were looking out their own windows. Liam started sucking his thumb, and his eyes looked half-shut.

Shawn decided not to push the fact that Liam wasn't supposed to be sucking his thumb anymore. He and Katherine had been trying to break that babyhood habit, but when Liam was tired, he often forgot he wasn't supposed to.

When Liam's eyes finally slid shut and his head fell against the side of his car seat, Shawn asked, "How'd you make your brother calm down?"

Skyler startled and looked at Shawn through the rearview. "What?"

"How'd you get Liam to stop crying?"

"Oh." Skyler looked uncomfortable and averted his gaze to his shoes. "I don't know."

"You must've said something that worked," Shawn said. "You don't want to share you secret?"

Skyler frowned. "It wasn't really anything." He put his head back against the window.

Shawn sighed and turned the radio back up. He blinked hard, and briefly ran a hand over the lower half of his face, trying to relieve the burning sensation that was building up. He didn't want his boys to see him cry.

* * *

"Hey, guys," Gus said when the Spencers walked through the apartment door. "Have fun running errands?"

"Always," Shawn retorted lightly. He knelt down to help Liam take his shoes off. "Let's order pizza tonight, I'm buying."

"Now that's what I like to hear," Gus said. He smiled at Skyler, "You like pizza, bud?"

"Yeah, I guess," Skyler said, pushing his shoes against the wall with his foot.

"Any favorite toppings?" Gus persisted.

"Cheese!" Liam cried. "I like cheese pizza!"

Skyler heaved his narrow shoulders in a half-hearted shrug. "I dunno. Not really." He walked away, disappearing into the room he, Liam, and Shawn shared.

"He doesn't take after you, does he?" Gus asked.

Shawn sighed. "He used to," he said.

* * *

"Hey, kid," Shawn said, coming into the bedroom to find Skyler sprawled out on his air mattress.

Skyler shoved something under his pillow. "Hey."

"You like Uncle Gus, don't you?" Shawn asked, sitting on the floor.

Skyler rolled over and sat up. "Yeah. He's nice."

"Then why don't you like talking to him?"

Skyler was quiet for a few moments, staring at his hands. "He's just being nice because Mom is dead. I _don't_ like that."

Shawn was speechless. The subtle but stark anger in Skyler's voice startled him. He knew his son was grieving, but these words were thought through and bitter. Shawn didn't mean to, but in his confusion, he laughed. "What are you talking about, Skyler? That is _not_ why Gus is nice to you."

"Yes it is," Skyler insisted. "That's why grown-ups are ever nice…because they feel sorry and so they're nice."

"Skyler, I don't know where you got that idea, but it's not true. Gus is nice to you because he cares about you. I've known that guy my entire life, and he would not be letting me and you two boys live with him if he didn't like you guys. Trust me. He wouldn't let me stay with him if it were just me."

Skyler looked up. "Really?"

"Really. Now. Do you want pizza or not?" Shawn asked, offering his oldest son a lopsided grin.

"Sure," Skyler said with a smile.

"Then you better get out there and tell Gus what you want on your pizza, otherwise Liam's gonna order us all cheese."

"Plain cheese pizza is boring," Skyler said.

"You know that's right," Shawn agreed. He leaned forward and kissed the top of Skyler's head. "I love you, kid."

"I love you too, Dad."

* * *

"They're asleep…finally!" Shawn fell back on the couch beside Gus. "I can't believe my dad got away with only raising me."

"To be fair," Gus said, "you were equal to at least quadruplets."

Shawn snorted, but he smiled. "I was a pretty bad kid, wasn't I?"

"Nah," Gus said. "Though you were the cause of every grounding I got as a kid, so thanks for that. If it weren't for you, I would have been a saintly child."

"Whatever floats your canoe, buddy," Shawn said.

"It's 'boat,'" Gus corrected automatically.

Shawn yawned. "I've heard it both ways."

Both men where quiet for awhile, staring at the news on the tv. The volume was down low, but Gus had the subtitles on. Shawn read the words, but his mind was elsewhere. He was only shaken out of his daze when Gus said, "Skyler doesn't like me, does he." It wasn't a question.

"What?" Shawn sat up straight, "Of course he likes you. You're his Uncle Gus, the only one he's got. He has to like you."

"No, I mean it, Shawn," Gus said, "It's the way he looks at me. I can just tell."

Shawn pushed all jokes aside and sighed. "It's not you, Gus. He's having a really hard time right now, with Katherine gone, and us moving…here." Shawn leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "I just want to thank you again for letting us stay here while I get us an apartment of our own. I wish our landlord had been more forgiving on the rent payments, but you know how they can be."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, man," Gus said. "You know I'm here for you."

"Skyler used to be the most easy-going, happy-go-lucky kid you'd ever meet. I'm hoping that kid is still in there somewhere," Shawn said. "He likes you, Gus, and don't ever let him make you think otherwise."


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews and follows!

* * *

The house hadn't changed at all in a decade, and memories engulfed it like a heavy fog.

Shawn glanced back at Skyler and Liam, both boys asleep. Skyler was frowning fiercely, his brow furrowed, his jaw clenched. Shawn wondered if he was having a nightmare again. He reached back and patted Skyler on the knee. "Hey, bud, we're here," he said quietly.

Skyler's eyes blinked open and he stared at Shawn for a few, uncomprehending moments. "What?" he asked, sitting up.

"We're at your granddad's place," Shawn said, "Grandpa Henry…you remember Grandpa Henry, don't you?"

Skyler shrugged. "A little, I guess."

"You met him once when you were Liam's age," Shawn elaborated. He knew that Skyler couldn't really remember anything. It had been an awkward meeting, and brief. Katherine had insisted on it and afterward apologized for talking Shawn into it.

 _"_ _It's too soon, isn't it?" she had asked, patting his arm when they had gotten to their hotel room._

 _"_ _I'm never going to live what happened down, Katie," Shawn said, "he's never going to forgive me."_

Shawn heaved a shuddering sigh. "Here goes everything," he muttered under his breath, turning back and opening his door. He added to Skyler, "I'll be right back. I'm just going to let him know we're here, okay? Don't unbuckle or anything."

"Aren't we getting out?" Skyler asked.

Shawn hesitated. "Maybe. I hope so. We'll see." He closed the door and walked up the sidewalk to the front door.

It was eight fifteen in the evening. The lights in the house were on, and a shadow moved across the curtains. Shawn had wanted to come earlier, but after Liam had fallen asleep, he decided to let him nap for a bit before the meeting.

Shawn closed his eyes when he knocked on the door.

He had been standing in this exact place four years ago, his young wife holding his hand and their son. He had thought that bringing his family would change his dad's mind about having Shawn in his life. Maybe, a grandson would do the trick, seeing that Shawn had grown out of some of his immaturities. But that had not been the way. They had sat in his father's living room for all of ten minutes before an argument broke out and Skyler started to cry. Katherine asked that they leave, tears brimming her own beautiful, grey-blue eyes.

And here Shawn stood again. Only this time, his boys were in the car, buckled and ready to make a quick escape need-be, and Katherine was gone, not there to hold his hand, not there to support his request for redemption.

The door opened. "Shawn?"

What happened next, Shawn had never expected in his wildest dreams. He started to sob, his head bowed, his eyes shut, too afraid to face his own father. "She's gone, Dad," Shawn cried, "Katherine's dead."

* * *

Skyler took a deep breath when Shawn opened Liam's door. "Dad, were you crying?"

"You can unbuckle now," was all Shawn said. He was unbuckling Liam's harness.

"Why were you crying, Dad?" Skyler persisted.

Shawn closed his eyes. "I had to tell your grandpa about Mom."

Skyler was quiet, but he reached down and unlatched his seatbelt. Then he watched as Shawn gently woke Liam from his nap. Liam's immediate reaction was to whine, a pathetic crying noise that sounded annoyed. "No," he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and turning his head away from Shawn.

"C'mon, buddy," Shawn said, "We're gonna meet your grandpa Henry. Do you want to meet Grandpa Henry?"

Skyler's stomach knotted. He didn't know if _he_ wanted to meet Grandpa Henry. After all, Grandpa Henry had made Shawn cry by making Shawn tell him about Katherine. Shawn hadn't talked about Katherine to anyone for a long time, not even Skyler or Liam.

Sometimes, when Skyler missed Katherine more than his heart could bear, he'd talk to Liam about her. Liam still remembered her, even though some of his memories were going away. He didn't remember that Katherine had blue eyes, or that her hair was long and curly and golden. He didn't remember that when she smile, she wrinkled her nose and her eyes got all squinty. He didn't remember the way she'd puff out her cheecks when she was writing out checks for bills, and then let the air out slowly so that it hissed between her lips. He didn't remember a lot of little things like that. But Skyler remembered everything, so he'd tell Liam stories, hoping that if he didn't remember, he'd at least know all about Katherine.

"Come out on this side, Skyler," Shawn said, pulling Liam out of his seat.

Skyler startled, realizing he hadn't been paying attention to Shawn or Liam anymore. Liam was now smiling so big his dimples were showing. "We get ice cream, we get ice cream!" he chanted happily.

"Shhh," Shawn said, "not yet. When we get home with Uncle Gus, okay? We don't want to leave Uncle Gus out of our ice cream party, do we?"

"Nope, nope, nope!" said Liam, clapping both hands onto Shawn's face. "We get ice cream!" his voice had a little growl in it now, which Skyler immediately recognized as Liam's naughty voice. It was the voice Liam had when he got woken up too early, but he was wide awake enough to cause a lot of trouble.

Shawn recognized it too and tried to pull his face back from Liam's hands. "Remember our deal, Liam. You have to be good for Daddy if you're gonna get ice cream, okay? That means you have to listen and be nice."

"Nice," Liam growled with an impish grin, and he pressed his head against Shawn's nose.

Skyler frowned. He didn't like Liam's naughty mood because it usually meant that Shawn was going to tell Skyler to entertain his brother and keep him occupied while he talked to the other grownups. However, if Liam wouldn't even listen to Shawn, he certainly wouldn't listen to Skyler.

He didn't say anything as he crawled across to Liam's side of the car and got out. Shawn closed the door, Liam sitting in the crook of his left arm. "Your grandpa is excited to meet you boys," he said, "I know it might feel uncomfortable, but I want you to smile and be polite and answer any questions he asks, okay?"

Skyler frowned. He didn't like that idea. What if Grandpa Henry asked him about Katherine? He looked down and realized one of his shoes was untied. "Dad," he said, kicking his foot forward, "I need to tie my shoe."

Shawn sighed loudly through his nose. "Okay. Hurry up."

Skyler took as long as he could without making it obvious. He even did a double knot.

"Really, kid?" Shawn asked.

"I don't want it to get untied again," Skyler almost whined, but he kept his tone just short of any accusation.

"C'mon," Shawn said, holding out his free hand. Skyler hesitated, then took it.

Skyler hadn't held Shawn's hand for a long time. Most of the time, he held one of Liam's hands while Shawn held the other. Or if Shawn was holding Liam and his other arm was full, he'd have Skyler grip his belt loop while they crossed the street. Skyler had almost forgotten how nice and comforting it felt to have his hand engulfed in Shawn's.

As soon as they got to the porch steps, the front door opened, and there stood a man Skyler never remembered seeing before in his entire life. He was bigger than Skyler thought a grandpa should be. He smiled at Skyler and knelt down, holding out his hand.

"Hey, there, kid. You must be Skyler," Henry said.

Skyler's stomach cinched tight, and he looked up at Shawn who offered him a sad but reassuring half-smile.

"Yes," Skyler said, taking Henry's hand and shaking it.

"I'm Liam!" crowed Liam, wriggling to get out Shawn's arms. "Daddy said that if I'm nice I get ice cream. I'm gonna have chocolate ice cream. I like ice cream!"

Skyler looked up at Shawn and noticed the embarrassment coloring his father's cheeks. "Shh, Liam. That's enough about ice cream, okay, buddy?"

Liam frowned and tried to slide out of Shawn's arms, but Shawn just held on tighter. Skyler sighed. Liam was already misbehaving and they hadn't even gotten into the house yet.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Liam," Henry said, and his smile got even bigger as he stood up.

Liam grinned. "I'm Mommy's favorite Liam in the whole world!" he said.

Skyler froze and quickly looked back up at Shawn. To his surprise, Shawn was smiling and bounced Liam a little bit. "That's right, Liam. You were."

"She called me 'Cutie Head,'" Liam added to Henry, "Like the little cutie oranges. Do you like cutie oranges? They are yummy, yummy, yummy!"

"Aren't you a chatterbox," Henry laughed. "C'mon in, boys."

Liam gave another attempt to free himself from Shawn's arms, and this time Shawn complied, putting Liam down on the porch so that he could follow in after Henry on his own two feet. Skyler wanted nothing more than for Shawn to pick him up and carry him. He knew he was absolutely too old to be held; however, the queasy feeling in his stomach was still there and it made him want to cry. Instead, he gripped the edge of Shawn's flannel shirt and tried to hide behind him as best he could without being conspicuous.

As they walked into the house, Liam chattering a mile a minute, Skyler tried his best to notice everything. The house was cluttered, but not in a messy way. More like Henry had so many memories that it was hard to find a place for it all, so it simply crowded itself in. There were a lot of fishing memorabilia, and pictures. Lots of pictures, mostly of people Skyler didn't even try to recognize. Until he saw a picture that looked like Liam.

He let go of Shawn's shirt and took a couple of steps toward the picture. He knew it couldn't be a picture of Liam, but it was the same eyes and impish grin. The clothes looked entirely different than what Liam would actually ever wear. And the boy's hair was much longer than Liam's was now or ever.

"That's your dad when he was about 4-years-old," Henry said.

Skyler smiled and looked up at Shawn. "You looked just like Liam does now," he said.

"You used to look a lot like Liam too when you were his age," Shawn said, putting a hand on Skyler's head and tussling his hair. "Your mom always said you boys took after me."

"When I grow up," Liam announced loudly, "I'm going to be you, Daddy!"

"No you're not," Skyler said.

"Uh, huh," Liam huffed, crossing his arms, "I am!"

Skyler was tempted to bicker further; however, a quick glance at Shawn stopped him short.

"Boys, please, no," Shawn said almost under his breath.

"Come in, sit down," Henry said, steering the conversation away from the argument's cause. He indicated a worn out couch that looked like it had been sitting in the room for a hundred years, Skyler thought. The fabric was faded and worn through in a couple spots on the arms.

Shawn sat down first and Liam immediately climbed in his lap. Skyler frowned at his little brother coldly. Just a minute ago, he didn't want to be held or anything to do with Shawn, and now he was occupying his entire lap like he owned Shawn. He didn't even save a little bit of room for Skyler. Shawn patted the couch cushion next to him, so Skyler sat down.

"Do you boys want anything to drink?" Henry asked. "I have water, milk…" he hesitated awkwardly. "I don't really have anything else that you boys could drink."

Shawn laughed. "They're fine. They don't need anything."

"Okay," Henry said, and he sat down in his chair.

Nobody said anything for a long time, not even Liam. Liam just sat on Shawn's lap, staring around the room curiously. Skyler just stared at Henry, studying the man he couldn't remember meeting in his entire life.

"Do you have any questions for Skyler and Liam?" Shawn asked Henry.

Henry thought. "Do you boys like sports?"

"I wanna play football!" Liam said immediately.

Skyler almost rolled his eyes, but caught himself, remembering how much Katherine hated it when he rolled his eyes. _That is disrespectful. I have raised you to be a gentleman._

"Football, huh?" Henry smiled. "You're gonna have to bulk up a little before you start into that."

Liam grinned.

"What about you, Skyler? Do you like any sports?"

Skyler suddenly felt shy and shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. Maybe baseball."

"Baseball. That's a good sport. Your dad used to play baseball."

"I was good at it too," Shawn said. "You wouldn't believe that though, would you, Skyler?"

Skyler glanced up at Shawn, confused. It took him several moments to realize his dad was teasing him. He tried to compensate by shrugging with a grin. "Nah," he said. "I wouldn't."

Shawn nudged him playfully. "I'll have to buy you a baseball glove and teach you how to catch."

"Hey! I think I might have your old glove upstairs in the attic," Henry said suddenly, "I should go up and find it."

"Oh, Dad, you don't have to do that," Shawn said.

"No, no, I want to," Henry said. He stood up before Shawn could protest anymore and disappeared around the corner. They heard his footsteps thudding up the steps.

Liam bounced in Shawn's lap. "I like Grandpa Henry!" he said happily.

"What about you, Skyler?" Shawn asked. "What do you think of Grandpa Henry?"

Skyler thought carefully, deciding he wanted his answer to be as honest as he could possibly muster. "I don't know," he said finally. "I wish Mom were here."

Shawn frowned and put a hand on Skyler's head. "Me too, kid."

* * *

Henry Spencer did not like to think of himself as lonely. He still had his poker buddies he met with every Tuesday and Thursday nights. He still had his fishing boat and a couple friends who liked to go out early with him a couple Saturdays a month. He still had his collections, his mementos to think and laugh over.

But to be honest, he missed the antics of his offspring more than he'd ever care to admit. Shawn might have been foolhardy and ridiculous at times; however, he was a bright kid. He was smart and resourceful, and Henry was proud to call him his son. He'd raised him to be a good hearted person, which was all a parent could really ask for.

The fiasco with the SBPD should not have ended the relationship they had recovered. Henry had spent years regretting driving his son away when he was 18, and after all the work they went to bring the relationship back better than ever, it was burned to the ground again. The first five years had been Henry blaming Shawn for everything. The anger and disappointment stark and flaming. When Shawn had brought Katherine and tiny Skyler to visit five years before, all the emotions came to a head and Henry had regretted his behavior every day since.

He hadn't even gotten Shawn's contact information before the young family had left, wife and child in tears.

Henry didn't even know how to contact Guster, who he was sure knew exactly where Shawn was the whole time. He was the only one who had stood by Shawn during the fall-out with the department, and no doubt he was involved in Shawn's life even from afar.

Five years was a lot of time to regret and wonder if everything was ruined, and suddenly, out of nowhere, Shawn was on his doorstep. But he stood alone, and his entire being screamed brokenness.

"Shawn?" Henry asked, barely believing it was even possible his son had come back to him after his behavior before.

Shawn didn't look up. He wouldn't meet Henry's eye. Suddenly, he began to sob. "She's gone, Dad," he choked, "Katherine's dead." His voice broke and he just cried.

Henry reacted before he could think, pulling his heartbroken child into his arms. He felt Shawn's head press against his shoulder, and his son's arms wrap around him. He didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. So he just held him, letting him cry. By the time Shawn finally pulled away, Henry's T-shirt sleeve was soaked. Being old fashioned, Henry still carried a cloth handkerchief in his pocket. He gave it to Shawn, who used it without a word, but wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"I'm sorry, Shawn," Henry said.

Shawn sniffed, took a shuddering breath, and breathed out slowly. "Me too, Dad."

"What can I do to help, son?" Henry asked.

Shawn hesitated, wiping his eyes again, but this time as though he were trying to erase any evidence he had been crying. "Well, I would love for you to meet your grandsons," he said.

Henry smiled. "I would love that too." His brow furrowed. "Where are they?"

Shawn laughed, but his voice still broke slightly. "In the car. Liam's asleep, but I'll wake him up. And Skyler…you met Skyler before. He's seven now. Liam's 3."

Henry winced at the mention of their last meeting. "Listen, Shawn, about the way I acted before…"

"Don't, Dad," Shawn said, shaking his head. "Let's leave that behind us. We were both dealing with some issues. I want to start over. Please?"

"Of course, Shawn," Henry agreed.

Shawn smiled, and while Henry instantly recognized it, it was completely different than the smile he'd always known. "I'll go get the boys," Shawn said.

"I'll be right here," Henry said.

And this time, he didn't intend to leave.

* * *

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry about the delay in the updates :( my computer was throwing a fit and wouldn't let me update any of my stories! So, here it is at last!

* * *

"Goodnight, Skyler, Liam," Shawn said, leaning down to kiss both boys on their foreheads.

"G'night, Dad," Skyler said.

"Night!" cried Liam, grinning.

Shawn smiled back at them, made sure one more time they were situated for a restful night, and turned out the light. He went out of the room and closed the door. Gus was in the kitchen putting their ice cream bowls in the dishwasher.

"So, how did it go with your dad?" he asked without turning around.

Shawn sat down at the table. "He tried to apologize to me."

Gus put the last bowl in, closed the door, and pressed start before he turned around. "He _tried_? What is that supposed to mean? Like you read between the lines 'tried,' or he legitimately 'tried' to put the words out there?"

"I mean, he literally tried and I stopped him," Shawn said, looking down at his hands. "I didn't come here for that, Gus. I just want to start over."

Gus sat down at the table. "It isn't that simple, Shawn."

"I know," Shawn agreed. "But he isn't the one who should be apologizing. It should be me. I'm the one that ruined everything for all of us. It was all me."

"Maybe you should apologize to him for that," Gus said, shrugging, "And maybe you should let him apologize to you for how he treated you when you brought Katherine and Skyler around. Starting over doesn't necessarily mean ignoring what happened, but moving on in spite of it."

Shawn smiled. "Gus, don't be the inside of a Hallmark greeting card," he tried to say with his familiar jocularity and smirk, but it fell just short.

"You get what I'm saying though, don't you?" Gus asked.

"Yeah, I do." Shawn leaned back and closed his eyes.

Gus reached forward and gave Shawn a light smack on the arm. "Hey, how about this: I watch the boys tomorrow night, take them to a movie or something distracting for a few hours, and you meet with your dad and work things out?"

Shawn opened one eye and squinted at Gus. "You mean you want to babysit?"

"Yeah, of course! I want to help you out," Gus said enthusiastically. "Besides, Liam is potty trained now."

"Mostly," Shawn agreed cryptically.

Gus frowned. "Are you trying to make me change my mind, Shawn?"

Shawn sighed and let his head fall back. "I don't know. Maybe. Just a little. I really don't want to talk to my dad, Gus."

"Shawn, you need to get a hold of your life before it gets a hold of you," Gus said firmly.

Shawn choked on a laugh. "What the heck's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know," Gus shrugged, "Sounded good in my head, and actually it didn't sound too bad out loud either."

"May I recommend you never say that again?" Shawn asked.

"Are you going to let me watch the boys or not?" Gus shot back.

"Fine. Fine. I'll talk to my dad," Shawn said. "I'll text him tonight that I want to meet tomorrow. What time do you get off work?"

"4:30, so I could be here by 5," Gus said.

"Awesome," Shawn said, zero enthusiasm in his voice. "How about you just keep my car and I take your car. That way I don't have the joy of switching Liam's carseat over."

"Sure, sounds good to me," Gus said with a smile. "You got this, Shawn. I know you do."

* * *

"You boys are going to stay with Uncle Gus for awhile," Shawn said as he pulled Liam's clean t-shirt over his head. His previous shirt had had an unfortunate accident with an apple sauce pouch.

Skyler sat on Shawn's bed, kicking his heels against the boxspring. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going to go see Grandpa Henry," Shawn said, grabbing a baby wipe and cleaning some of the apple sauce he'd missed out of Liam's hair.

"I wanna see Grandpa Henry!" Liam cried, bouncing.

"Hold still, kid!" Shawn protested. He finished getting the apple sauce out of Liam's hair before he added, "You can't see Grandpa Henry today. Another day, though. I promise."

Liam's bottom lip stuck out at as he pouted, and he crossed his arms.

"What are we going to do with Uncle Gus?" Skyler asked nervously. As much as Gus seemed to love Skyler and Liam, he always seemed like he wasn't quite capable of taking care of two small children. Like when Liam had an accident the first night they got here, Gus hid in his room for an hour until Shawn convinced him he'd sanitized the entire apartment three times.

"He said he might take you boys to a movie or something," Shawn said distractedly, getting up and going to the closet.

"You mean we're gonna ride in his car?" Skyler asked, becoming more skeptical.

"No, I'm gonna leave our car here and drive Gus' car," Shawn said, pulling out a plaid button up. He put it on over his t-shirt and buttoned it, leaving the top three buttons undone so that his blue undershirt showed. Then, he rolled up his sleeves just below his elbows.

Skyler recognized the shirt. It was the one Shawn wore when they went to the Oregon coast on vacation. It was the one he was wearing in the picture Skyler kept hidden under his pillow. Just under the collar was a small black stain where Liam had broken a pen and dripped ink on Shawn's shirt.

 _"_ _It'll come right out," Katherine said, digging through her purse and finding a wet wipe. She started patting the stain, but it wasn't doing much good. "You can barely notice it," she added._

 _Shawn tugged at his collar. "It doesn't matter. No one will see it under the collar anyway."_

Skyler saw it every time Shawn wore that shirt, even when he couldn't really see it.

"I want you guys to be on your _best_ behavior with Gus, okay?" Shawn said, glancing at his hair in the full length mirror on the wall. "No arguing with each other. Skyler, I want you to be the bigger man if something does come up, alright?"

Skyler frowned. He knew what that meant. If Liam started an argument, Skyler needed to be the "bigger man" and not engage and keep his mouth shut. It wasn't easy, especially when Liam was trying to convince the adults of something unfair.

"I want to be the bigger man too!" said Liam.

Skyler smirked. Obviously Liam didn't know what it meant to be the bigger man.

Shawn sat down on the bed and motioned for the boys to come to him. Liam climbed in his lap, and Skyler scooted across the bed so he was sitting right next to Shawn. Shawn wrapped his arms around both of them and kissed their heads. "I love you boys more than anything in the whole world," he said. "You know that right?"

"Yeah, Daddy," Liam agreed immediately, "We know!"

Skyler rested his head on Shawn's arm.

"Daddies love their kids, that's a fact," Shawn continued, "And Grandpa Henry loves me, and I love Grandpa Henry. But a really long time ago, before either of you were born, I did something that was unkind to Grandpa Henry, and Gus, and…" Shawn hesitated long enough that Skyler glanced up to see if he was going to say anything else or not. "Other friends of mine," Shawn said finally. "And then, I moved away without saying I was sorry."

"That's not nice," Liam admonished.

"No, it isn't," Shawn agreed. "But I apologized to Gus, and he forgave me. The problem is, I never apologized to your Grandpa Henry or my other friends. And if I am going to be a good example to you boys, I need to make sure I'm doing myself what I tell you boys to do, right?"

"So you're going to see Grandpa Henry tonight to say you're sorry?" Skyler asked.

Shawn nodded. "Yep. And that's why you boys are going to stay with Uncle Gus for a little while. Uncle Gus is doing us a huge favor, and I want you boys to show gratitude by being very respectful, obedient, and nice to him and to each other, alright?"

"Yes, Dad," Skyler said.

"Yes, Daddy," Liam echoed.

Shawn kissed them both again. "You are good boys. Both of you."

"We love you too, Dad," Skyler said, wrapping his arms around Shawn.

Shawn held them both a few seconds more before letting them go. "Another thing, boys," he said, sounding serious.

Skyler and Liam stared at him, waiting. Shawn's face broke into a grin, "Have fun tonight."

* * *

When Shawn had come to the house the night before, it had felt safe having the boys in the backseat. Even while his heart was thudding against his ribcage, he'd felt some stability having Skyler and Liam with him as they sat on his dad's couch. But now, they weren't here. It was just him. Just him walking pulling up in the driveway, just him walking up the sidewalk, just him going through the door. It was the kind of moment he'd always dreaded, and here he was, making the journey alone.

This time, when Henry offered him a beer, he accepted it mutely, nodding and smiling as he took a sip and tried not to make a face. He hadn't drank anything stronger than Pepsi since Skyler was born. It was just something Katherine had felt strongly about: don't drink in front of the kids. Because they hadn't known anyone in Seattle, finding a sitter was almost impossible, and date nights usually consisted of putting the boys to bed and ordering pizza.

Somehow, the taste of beer in his mouth was hardly satisfying, but maybe it was the memory of Katherine that made it bitter.

"You wanted to talk, Shawn?" Henry asked, sitting down across from him. The question indicated he did not know what Shawn wanted to talk about, but it was just a formality. There was only one thing that was on both of their minds, and they both knew it.

Shawn frowned and swallowed nervously. "Yeah. I just thought we should talk about what happened…when I left Santa Barbara ten years ago."

Now Henry was growing deeply too. "I thought we were going to leave that behind us, Shawn."

"Yeah, I did too, but," Shawn heaved his shoulders in a shrug, "Gus thought that it might be a good idea to talk about it."

"Ah, Guster…" Henry grinned a little bit. "Finally taking his advice, are you?"

Shawn smirked and bent his head. "Yeah, about time, huh?"

"I don't know, depends," Henry said, the smile he'd acquired fading. "I don't know if we should be digging up the past."

"That's just it!" Shawn argued, "It was never buried. I just left without a word as soon as things went south. And then I went and lived my life and left you out of it."

"Hence a wife and two children," Henry muttered.

The bitterness in his voice was enough to make Shawn hesitate and bite back his own bitter retort. "Be honest, Dad. You didn't want anything to do with me ten years ago…or five years ago when I brought Skyler and Katherine to meet you." He winced. It still sounded bitter.

Henry opened his mouth to reply, but Shawn cut him off. "No, Dad, wait. Don't try to take any blame for that. It was all me. I deserved to be cut off. After all, I cut all of you off first. I can't even imagine if Skyler up and left without a word, leaving me in the wake of a disaster he created. I wouldn't love him any less than I do, but I would be hurt. Deeply. I know that." Shawn swallowed back the lump forming in his throat. "I hurt you, Dad. I hurt you, and Gus, and…" Shawn didn't know if he even wanted to say the name, but Henry finished for him.

"Juliet," he said. Henry smiled sadly. "You know, I really thought she was the one you were going to marry, Shawn."

"Me too…" Shawn agreed. And then he thought of Katherine, and his heart ached with guilt. "But I am so happy I met Katherine, Dad. She is the best thing that ever happened to me." Shawn's tears welled and he looked away quickly. "Was, I mean."

Henry waited a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't meet her under better circumstances, Shawn. And I know you tried to make amends when you brought them here to meet me. But I wouldn't let you. For that, I am sorry, Shawn. I've never regretted anything more than the way I treated your family that day."

Shawn didn't know how to respond to the heartfelt apology. This was never something Henry and Shawn did. They simply got over it, and left apologies unspoken by moving on. This was uncharted territory for both of them; however, it didn't feel wrong.

"Katherine would have loved you," Shawn said finally with a smile.

"I'm sure I would have loved her too," Henry returned, grinning back, but there was an impenetrable sadness in his eyes.

They both knew that there would never be a chance to prove either of those facts. The chance was gone. Gone forever.

Shawn sniffed and wiped a tear that had escaped. It was his turn to apologize. "I'm sorry for everything ever did to you, Dad. From the time I was born till now. Honestly, I can't even imagine trying to raise me…"

"It was an absolutely unique experience, Shawn," Henry said with a smile. "But, somehow, honestly, I wouldn't trade it for the world."

* * *

Gus grabbed Liam by the back of his shirt. "Hey! Don't run off like that. Your dad would kill me if I lost you."

"Killing people isn't nice," Liam said, even as he struggled to get out of Gus' grip.

Scooping up Liam, Gus carried him under one arm. He was sure he looked like a total idiot, but Liam didn't seem to mind the position at all. He giggled. "Spin around!" he squealed.

"No!" cried Gus, repositioning Liam so that the toddler was sitting on his arm instead of being in an awkward football hold. Liam straightened his slender form so that he easily slid out of Gus' grip, prompting Gus to grab him by the t-shirt again.

"Do you need help, Uncle Gus?" Skyler asked.

Gus had almost forgotten the older Spencer boy was even standing there. He was so quiet and well-behaved, as opposed to either Shawn or Liam. He just stood quietly unless spoken to, and he did everything Gus said without a word of complaint.

"How could you help?" Gus asked, trying to sound incredulous, but secretly hoping the kid would just show him and not insist.

Skyler took Liam's arm and whispered something in the little one's ear. Abruptly, Liam stood up straight and looked up at Gus. "Sorry, Uncle Gus," he said.

"What did you say to him?" Gus asked, giving Liam an awkward pat of forgiveness on the head.

Skyler shrugged. "I just reminded him of what my dad said. That's all."

"Huh," Gus said dumbly. He took Liam's hand. "Alright, do you think we can get into the theater in one piece now?" Gus asked.

"Yep, yep, yep!" said Liam with a wild grin.

* * *

"How'd the boys do tonight?" Shawn asked, coming into the apartment and finding it silent except for soft jazz music playing in the background. It was also dimly lit, a couple of lamps on, but that was it.

Gus was laying on the couch his his arm over his eyes. "How do you it, Shawn? How do you chase them around every single day?"

"Did they misbehave?" Shawn asked, alarmed. "I am so sorry, Gus. I talked to them before I left…"

"No, no!" Gus cut him off, sitting up and clicking on another lamp. "They were great. Liam had a couple of moments, but Skyler always got him back on track. They were saints. It's just…it takes so much energy to follow them and keep track of them. I don't understand how you do it."

Shawn smiled as he sat down. "You don't learn how to parent in a single day," Shawn said. "And Katherine did a lot of it before…you know…so I've been trying to figure it out. I still feel out of my depth."

"I have a new appreciation for my parents," Gus said.

Shawn laughed. "Me too."

"You're a good dad, Shawn," Gus said.

Shawn's smile fell slightly, and he averted his gaze to the coffee table leg. "I think I'm doing something wrong, Gus. Ever since Katherine died, Skyler has been…different. Entirely different."

"That's not abnormal," Gus said. "Losing his mom was a traumatic experience. It would be for any kid. Remember when your parents got divorced when you were in high-school? You changed a lot then, too, and your mom was still alive."

"I feel like I'm not letting him grieve healthily, or something…Liam has been bouncing back to his old self."

"Liam's a toddler," Gus said. "Skyler is a lot older. They're going to handle it a lot differently."

"I know," Shawn agreed. He winced, shoving his fist against his forehead. "I just…I just want to help him, and I don't know how."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Gus said.

"I have. Lots of times. But he just clams up and gets even more quiet. It's like he's afraid to talk about it."

"Maybe he is."

Shawn frowned. "What do you mean?"

Suddenly, Gus looked very uncomfortable. "Maybe you need to talk to him about Katherine instead of the other way around…so that he knows it's okay to talk about his mom."

Shawn scoffed. "Of course he knows its okay to talk about Katherine! Why wouldn't it be?"

"I'm not around you as much as him, Shawn, but its always felt like a little bit of a touchy subject with you. You never talk about Katherine."

"That's not true," Shawn bristled. "What are we doing _right now_?"

"We're talking about her past tense, Shawn. We're not talking about her when she was here. What she was like, what she did, what she said…it's like you want to forget she was ever alive." Gus' face instantly reflected he regretted saying the words that came out of his mouth.

Shawn regretted them too. His skin started to burn, matching the sensation that suddenly pricked his eyes. Gus' desperate expression blurred from his view. Shawn didn't even know how to respond, his mind was too angry to form a coherent thought. So he just stood up and took a shuddering breath. "You don't know anything," he finally spat.

He left the room before Gus could even attempt a reply.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: this chapter skims a ten year period.

* * *

10 years earlier…

Katherine Arnaldo released an exasperated sigh and tossed her unruly, dirty blond curls over her shoulder. At this point, everything annoyed her. The world at large was her enemy, and she felt she could bite the head off a bear in her frustration. The sun was too hot, the air too dry, the day too late. However, the root of all her inner and outer turmoil was this stupid gas pump. She'd inserted her debit card, she pushed all the right buttons, and yet, the gas refused to pump into her beat-up, 1996 Honda Accord. Sure, if she went into the mini-mart, the attendant would probably be able to help; however, Katherine decided that was the last resort. She was not about to let on she was a Portland, Oregon city girl who had never pumped her own gas in her life. What kind of Portlander had never been to Washington? Katherine Arnaldo, that's what kind.

Katherine kicked her car tire, but it hurt more than the minimal relief it offered. So, with another growl of disgust, she slumped against her car and crossed her arms, glaring at the gas pump as though intimidation might do the trick.

"Having a bad day?" a voice asked from the other side of the pump.

Katherine startled and looked up, nothing for the first time the guy standing there, grinning as though he'd been watching her for some time. She felt the blood rush to her face, but she was saved at least the embarrassment of him noticing her blush thanks to the sunburn that already made her face an unfortunate red.

"You could say that," she replied uncomfortably, standing upright and uncrossing her arms.

The man leaned around and looked at her license plate. "Oregon, huh? Never pump your own gas before?"

The burning sensation in her face intensified. "No," she admitted gruffly, averting her gaze to her feet.

"Would you like some help?"

Katherine bounced her eyes back up. "If you wouldn't mind," she said meekly. Humiliated was too mild a word for the emotion that made her stomach knot. Mortified…well, maybe mortified was too strong.

The man came around to her side of the pump and observed it quietly for all of two seconds before he found her problem. "Here," he said, and flipped up the latch that the pump had been sitting on. Immediately, the little screens began to rapidly show increasing numbers instead of the dreaded triple zeroes.

Katherine sighed and laughed awkwardly. "I'm an idiot," she muttered, shoving her hair back.

The man smiled. "No. Just inexperienced."

"Yeah, well, you'd think a nearly thirty-year-old woman would have pumped her own gas before," Katherine retorted lightly, rolling her eyes. She smiled at the man. "Thanks."

"No problem! Nothing interesting ever happens around here, so it was a nice change in pace," the man said. A couple of moments passed of awkward silence before he added, "So, are you on a road trip?"

"Oh, no," Katherine said with a short laugh. "Moving actually. Here."

The man frowned, genuinely confused. "Why _here_? This is the middle of nowhere?"

"Well, I'm transferring from the Starbucks I used to work at in Portland, and I submitted my resume to a dozen places. The one here was the first one to accept, so I figured it was fate."

"That's a funny way to choose a place to live," the man said, smiling uncomfortably. He looked like he was slightly concerned about Katherine's mental health.

Sometimes, Katherine was concerned too. She didn't know why, but she felt the need to explain herself to this complete stranger. Maybe it was the easy way he just stepped into her life out of nowhere. He was the first person who had talked to her since she left Portland that acted like he gave a darn about her life. "My dad passed away when I was really young. And my mom died of cancer six months ago," she said. "I decided there was nothing left for me in Oregon, and I wanted a change. I didn't know where to start, so I figured I'd just throw the dice and see how they landed."

"And they landed you here," the man said, his smile renewing its comfortable crooked slant. It faded when he added, "I'm sorry about your parents, though."

"Thank you," Katherine said, because it sounded like he really meant it.

"Well, if we're gonna be neighbors, I might as well introduce myself: I'm Shawn Spencer."

He held out his hand, and Katherine shook it. "I'm Katherine Arnaldo," she said. "Have you lived here your whole life?"

Shawn laughed. "Oh, no. I've only been here about a month. I'm from Santa Barbara, actually. Slightly bigger than this little sweetheart."

"Wow. What made _you_ move?"

Shawn's smile flickered so briefly that Katherine wondered if she had imagined it. But then she saw the sadness in his eyes. "I decided I needed a change too, I guess," he said. I drove until I ran out of money, and then I got a job the first place I could, which happened to be here."

"And you thought my methods of choosing a new town were haphazard," Katherine retorted lightly.

Shawn grinned, for the first time looking awkward himself. "Touché," he muttered.

Suddenly, the pump made a thunk noise, startling Katherine. Shawn laughed and pulled the nozzle out of the car. "Well, you've got a full tank now."

"Thanks again for your help," Katherine said.

"Anytime," Shawn said.

He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He dug through its contents until he found what he was looking for. "Here. In case you ever need help again," he said, handing her a business card.

She took it and made a face. "Psych? What's Psych?"

"It's the name of a company I worked for in Santa Barbara. But don't worry about that. It's the phone number that matters."

"It says 'Shawn Spencer - Psychic Detective.' What does that mean?" Katherine was both concerned and curious.

"A gimmick," Shawn said shortly.

"You used to be a detective," Katherine said, impressed. "Were you any good?"

"I was…until I wasn't," Shawn said. "I've moved on."

"And yet," Katherine said, holding up the card, "you still have this."

"And now you have it," Shawn said. "So, again, if you ever need anything. Give me a call. Or text. Whichever."

"Thanks," Katherine said, accepting the change in subject. She really had no right to pry into his life at all. They'd barely even met. They weren't even friends. Maybe she wanted to be. "And, sometime, if you ever want coffee, come in and see me. I'll make you something special…on the house. As an official thank you."

Shawn grinned. "I just might take you up on that."

* * *

Shawn came bursting into Starbucks as though he owned the place, coming right up to the counter and leaning over to kiss the barista. "Morning, beautiful lady!" he crowed, pulling back.

"What are you doing here this early in the morning, Shawn?" Katherine asked, smiling shyly at her giggling coworkers.

"Why wouldn't I be here this early in the morning?" Shawn returned as though she'd asked a stupid question.

"Oh, I don't know," Katherine said, rolling her eyes lightly, "Because you have a job?"

Shawn frowned dramatically. "Katherine!" he cried, "Don't you know what today is?"

Katherine felt her stomach knot. Had she forgotten an important anniversary? Shawn's birthday? A holiday? "No," she said slowly.

"It's our six and a half month anniversary since the day we met!" Shawn whispered earnestly. "I thought for sure you'd have remembered."

Realizing she was being teased, Katherine played along. "Oh. _That_. Of course I remember. Don't be silly."

"I thought we should celebrate," Shawn continued. "Dinner and a movie? What do you say?"

"You know you don't need an excuse to ask me out on a date, Shawn," Katherine said coyly. "I might've said yes even if it wasn't the six and a half month anniversary since we met."

"Oh, well, if you put it that way," Shawn said.

Katherine smiled. "Why are you really here, Shawn?"

"I'm out on a delivery and wouldn't you know it, I had to drive right past here," Shawn said, grinning.

"Did you now?" Katherine said, turning to put a dirty blender in the sink. She turned on the faucet and started to rinse it out.

"Also," Shawn said, "I needed to ask you something."

Katherine turned around and she was sure her heart skipped a beat. Shawn was holding out an open ring box, and inside was a simple silver band with a diamond. This wasn't…it couldn't be. Katherine gasped and clamped both hands over her mouth.

"Will you marry me, Miss Katherine Emily Arnaldo?" Shawn asked.

"Oh, Shawn," Katherine barely breathed. "What…you just said we've only known each other six and a half months."

"Plenty long enough for me to be certain I want to know you the rest of my life, Katherine," Shawn said, all seriousness in his voice. The playfulness was gone, the jocularity. Shawn Spencer was actually proposing marriage.

Katherine's eyes darted briefly to her coworkers who were standing in giddy expectation. And then there were the regular customers, sitting at their tables, craning their necks to watch. Everyone was quiet, everyone was waiting, waiting for her to answer.

A million thoughts swirled through her head. Excited, terrified, happy, sad, ecstatic, and unsure thoughts. But they all came together in a simple, burst of a sentence. "Yes, yes, I will marry you!" she cried.

The store erupted with cheers and applause as the newly engaged couple kissed again over the counter before Katherine made her way around to the front and allowed Shawn to put the ring on her finger. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her in a tight embrace.

"I'm scared," she whispered into his ear.

"Me too," he returned. "But only because I thought you were going to say no."

* * *

They'd decided on a small wedding, mostly because there weren't many people to invite. Katherine's mother's best friend, Emily, from Oregon was driving down. Katherine had known Emily her entire life, and her middle name commemorated the fact that she had been her mother's closest thing to a sister. Shawn said he had someone to invite; however, he didn't know if he'd actually show.

"What about your dad?" Katherine asked.

Shawn smiled. "I could invite him. But it'd be a waste of time. He'd never come."

"Why not?" Katherine asked. "It's our wedding. It's one of the biggest days in our lives."

"Yeah, and I'm his biggest disappointment," Shawn shot back bitterly, but he immediately apologized. "I'm sorry, sweet heart. It's just…I can't."

And so they didn't.

Much to Shawn's surprise, his childhood best friend showed up two days before the wedding. Katherine was at Shawn's apartment, showing him swatches of colors she was thinking about for the drapes in their new house, a little rental down the street.

The knock on the door startled both of them, and Shawn jumped up to answer it. Katherine waited in the living room, critically comparing the deep blue to the burgundy red.

"Gus?" Shawn's voice was raised, loud enough for Katherine to easily hear the confusion and joy in his voice. "You're here!"

"Of course, I'm here, buddy," a voice returned, "I wouldn't miss your wedding."

There was a sadness in this voice, one that Katherine wondered what Shawn had to do with. Shawn wasn't exactly secretive about his past; however, he wasn't forthright either. He would occasionally mention his life in Santa Barbara, his favorite smoothie shop and whatnot; but when it came to people he knew and the job he worked, he kept those facts close to him. Katherine had managed to learn about his work as a private detective and him pretending to be a Psychic. Shawn had seemed uncomfortable and sheepish about the subject, so she'd let it go as soon as he told her the truth. He'd commented on the fallout that had occurred when the SBPD found out he was a fraud, and that it had affected a lot of people that it should not have.

Sitting cross legged on the living room floor, drape samples forgotten, Katherine strained to listen to what the voices might say next. She could hear low tones, but nothing distinguishable. She cursed the fact that she didn't have super-hearing. The last thing she wanted to do was be a creeper and hide around the corner and eavesdrop. Fortunately, Shawn and Gus saved her the embarrassment and chose the moment she decided to get up to come into the room.

"Katherine, I'd like you to meet Gus. We've been friends longer than I can remember," Shawn said with his lopsided grin, but it looked forced. He was trying way too hard to make this feel normal.

Katherine stood up and held out her hand. "Gus! I am so happy to meet you. Shawn has mentioned the shenanigans the two of you used to get into," she said. It wasn't entirely a lie. Shawn had mentioned Gus once or twice before.

"The pleasure's all mine," Gus said smoothly, "I must say I was a little shocked when Shawn sent me that e-invite to your wedding."

Katherine frowned. "He sent you an e-invite?" she asked. Her eyes bounced to Shawn, who was carefully avoiding eye contact. "Shawn! What happened to the card I told you to send?"

"I thought I'd give it to him if he came," Shawn said with a shrug.

Katherine rolled his eyes. "You didn't know his address did you?" she asked, but Shawn's sheepish grin was the only answer she got. She turned to Gus, "I'm sorry. I promise I had nothing to with the e-invite."

"I didn't think you did," Gus said with a grin.

"We're so happy you are able to be here," Katherine continued. "It's just a small wedding…tiny actually. I think we have a grand total of twenty people coming, and that includes the preacher marrying us."

"Dang!" Gus said, "We'll have to make it a party!"

Katherine laughed. "Please, sit down, Gus! Let's talk! Get to know each other."

They sat down, Gus in the chair, Shawn and Katherine on the couch. Shawn draped his arm casually across Katherine's shoulders, and yet she could practically feel the discomfort radiating from him. Something about the way his socked foot tapped on the carpet, and his finger gently stroked the tiny, exposed, raised scar on her right arm. He was trying too hard to act like this was all normal. Like his best friend being here was simply a pleasant surprise, not an earth shaking phenomenon.

Katherine couldn't read Gus so well. He was also playing it cool; however, she didn't know him at all. Did his smile always twitch at the corner? Did he always avert his gaze when he laughed? He asked about how they met, and the proposal. He critiqued Shawn's method lightly; however, it seemed to all be good natured. He asked if they planned to stay here, or if they were going to move.

"Yeah, we're thinking about moving up to Seattle," Shawn said, "More job opportunities."

"Wow. Seattle," Gus said, giving a low whistle. "A little different pace than here, huh?"

"We both grew up in busy places," Katherine said lightly, "So we won't mind the craziness of city life. At least, I won't," Katherine added, looking meaningfully at Shawn.

"I'm ready for it," Shawn said with unconvincing enthusiasm. There was again. Him trying too hard to make this feel normal.

"You know what?" Katherine said suddenly, "I just remembered that I have to get some laundry done back at my place."

She felt Shawn stiffen beside her. "Really, sweet heart? You're leaving us for laundry?" It was supposed to sound like a joke.

"You know it, Babe," she said with a smile. She kissed Shawn's five o'clock shadowed cheek. "I'll come back later with pizza. You two catch up…I feel like a third wheel." Shawn and Gus laughed uncomfortably, but Katherine pretended not to notice as she stood up and straightened her t-shirt. "Have fun, boys!"

She walked out of the room before Shawn could try to change her mind. Her purse was strewn across the floor by the door, and as she knelt to pick up, she strained to listen, to hear if they were actually going to say anything now that she was gone. All she heard was silence and the sound of her change and keys rattling together in her purse.

Sighing, she hoped they would figure out their deal before she got back.

* * *

Katherine tried to imagine what it would be like to be a mother. She caressed her protruding stomach thoughtfully, staring at her profile in the mirror. As she'd heard a million times in the last month, she looked like she was about to pop. "You're my favorite Skyler Spencer in the whole world, little one. I haven't even met you yet, so that's saying a lot," she whispered to the unseen child. They'd found out it was a boy, but the doctor warned them to pick a girl name too, just in case.

"Skyler works for either a boy or a girl," Shawn had said when they'd chosen it.

"I like it for a boy best, though," Katherine had replied.

"Skyler Henry Spencer for a boy," Shawn said, "and Skyler Elisabeth Spencer for a girl."

It had been quite a debated decision to use the grandparents' names; however, Katherine felt strongly about it. While Shawn was still hesitant about using his dad's name, he'd stopped complaining. Katherine knew someday he'd appreciate the gesture they'd taken.

"Hiya, honey," Shawn said, coming into the bathroom and grabbing his toothbrush out of the holder. "What are you doing?"

"Do you think I'll be a good mom?" Katherine asked, frowning as Shawn's reflection.

He made a face at her. "What kind of silly question is that? You're gonna be a great mom. No doubt about it. I mean, you raised me, didn't you? I turned out alright."

"Shawn, I'm serious," Katherine sighed, trying not to smile.

"So am I," Shawn returned. He dropped his toothbrush on the counter and hugged her from behind, rubbing her stomach. "The real question is am I going to be a good father."

"You'll be the best father," Katherine said, leaning her head back against him. "I can't wait to share parenthood with you."

"Yeah, eighteen years of it," Shawn said.

"Parenthood is for life," Katherine corrected him.

"Depends on who you are," Shawn returned, a bitter tint to his tone.

Katherine pulled away and turned to look at him. "Shawn. Don't bring our pasts into this. This is our new life together and we get to choose what we do. Will be there for our children as long as we live. No exceptions."

"No returns or exchanges," Shawn added with a wink.

Katherine smiled. "We can do this, Shawn."

"With our powers combined, we can do anything," Shawn agreed with an impish grin.

* * *

Katherine glanced in the rearview mirror for the tenth time, glancing at the empty carseats. It felt so weird not having Skyler and Liam with her to run errands. Their laughter and squabbling and giggling was like beautiful music to her ears. Now all she had was the radio or the CD of kids music. It was nice of Shawn to offer to watch the boys while she had a day out to herself, but she missed them, and the peace and quiet was depressing.

What were they doing now? It was almost one o'clock, so Liam was probably about to go down for his nap. Skyler would like having Shawn all to himself to read or play board games with. Skyler was an excellent and loving big brother, but sometimes she could tell he missed being an only child with the undivided attention of his parents.

Oh, her lovely boys. She'd only been away three hours and she was missing them more than she could bear. "How are you going to handle Skyler going into first grade?" she chided herself with a grin. Kindergarten had been fairly easy…only three days a week and she had taken Liam to go do errands while Skyler was in class.

Katherine stopped at a red light. She glanced at her phone to make sure she didn't miss any messages from Shawn. Then she changed the track on the CD. The light turned green and she hit the gas, starting into the intersection. Maybe she saw the truck barreling towards her out the corner of her eye, but she never had the chance to remember.


	5. Chapter 5

Shawn woke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright in a cold sweat. His t-shirt clung to him uncomfortably, and his sheets were soggy and twisted. It took him several seconds to realize he was still hyperventilating, gasping for air. He held his breath for a moment, letting it out slowly. "Nightmare," he whispered to himself, "It was just another nightmare."

But that was not entirely true. He knew it. His nightmares were not simply imaginings of something bad happening; rather, they were horrible memories that haunted his dreams. His worst nightmare had already come true, and he lived with it each and every day. Katherine was gone. He was living without her smiling face, her beautiful joy, her radiant existence. When he had stared into her eyes that day 10 years before and said, "'til death do us part," he had imagined the end of a life well-lived, aged and full. Never had he thought that death would steal a life so young and pure, and unfulfilled. She had barely been a mother. She hadn't even seen her oldest go into first grade. Now two boys were motherless, and a man was a widower.

Shawn drew his knees up, resting his forehead on them. He'd wanted to take her to Hawaii for their 20th anniversary. They were going to get a convertible to enjoy retirement in. Katherine's retirement bucket list had included going along the entire Pacific coast from the Canadian border to Mexico's. Katherine had too many dreams to be stolen from life so young. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right!

Shawn shoved aside his blankets and sheets and stood up, adjusting his t-shirt roughly. He brushed his fingers through his damp hair, and sniffed away the sensation of tears that threatened to come. He needed coffee. He didn't want to go back to sleep. If he had his way, he'd never sleep again. Reliving the memories of the phone call, the deathbed, the funeral, the packing...it broke his heart over and over again. He couldn't stand it anymore.

Creeping over the air mattress, Shawn snuck out of the room as silently as he could. Gus, cautious as ever, kept nightlights all throughout the house. When Shawn was a single man, he'd thought the practice was stupid. What kind of grown man was scared of the dark? However, now, he knew the grace that came from the dim beacons...it saved the horror of turning on a bright light and startling awake little people in the home. It also prevented the horrendous accidents of stepping on scattered toys (largely Legos and Hot Wheels). There was a nightlight in the hall, a nightlight in the bathroom, a nightlight in the kitchen...Shawn followed the glow into the kitchen.

Gus was not an instant coffee man whatsoever. He called it "Nesquick coffee." Thank goodness Shawn had smuggled a jar in on his last trip to the store. He kept it hidden behind the sugary cereal only Skyler and Liam would eat anymore. Gus had become very health conscious in the decade they'd been apart. Shawn grabbed a mug from the cupboard, filled it with water and put it in the microwave. While he waited the minute and thirty seconds, he got out a spoon to use for the instant coffee.

He stopped the microwave a second before it went off, and carefully removed the boiling mug. Just as he sat it on the counter, a voice said behind him, "If you're going to make a late-night pot of coffee, at least have the decency to make a whole pot."

Shawn jumped and turned, smiling sheepishly at Gus who flipped on the light. "What are you doing up?" Shawn asked.

"The Super Sniffer smelled horrendous instant coffee. Not pleasant," Gus said, pretending to look annoyed.

Shawn sighed and scooped a big pile of powder into his mug. Then two more.

"Is that caffeinated?" Gus asked, looking concerned. "You'll be up all night."

"That's the goal," Shawn retorted.

Gus walked over and picked up the jar, shaking it. "You've only had this three days, and it's already almost gone! Do you do this every night?"

Shawn frowned. "How'd you know when I bought it?"

"I'm not dumb, Shawn! I've been finding mugs in my sink with traces of instant coffee in the bottom. And I saw the jar you threw away three days ago."

"Look who's still playing detective," Shawn growled, sitting down at the table and stirring his coffee.

"Look who's sleep deprived," Gus shot back. "No wonder it has been so hard for you to deal with everything, Shawn! You're not sleeping! You know what lack of sleep does to the brain?"

Shawn frowned in displeasure. "No. But you're going to tell me, right?"

"Mood changes, trouble concentrating, high blood pressure, weakened immunity..." Gus began to list, counting off on his fingers.

"Alright! I know, okay?" Shawn snapped, cutting him off, "What do you want me to do about it, Gus? Medications? I am not ready for anti-depressants and the whole mess that comes with that situation!"

"You need to talk to someone, Shawn," Gus said.

"Therapy!" Shawn wailed, "There is no way I am talking to some quack about my feelings!"

Gus frowned. "Shawn. You were just telling me that you thought Skyler was going through more than he was telling you, and that if he would just talk it out it would help him."

"He's seven-years-old," Shawn said, "I'm a grown man."

"You're human!" Gus argued back, "And just like every human being in history, you're processing the seven stages of grief when you lose someone close to you!"

"Oh, just stop," Shawn muttered, taking a swig of coffee.

"No, Shawn, I won't!" Gus said firmly. "You are my best friend. I would do anything to help you, and that means helping you even when you think you don't need it. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through. I've never lost someone as close to me as Katherine was to you. Never. And I've never lost a parent like your boys have. Shawn, what you and Skyler and Liam are going through is something I can't even begin to help you with because, true, _I don't understand anything._ "

Shawn winced as his harsh words from early that evening were echoed back at him.

"I want you to heal, Shawn," Gus continued, "You're trying to deal with your own grief while raising two boys. In spite of everything, you're doing a great job. But you need help. Help that me and your dad can't give you."

"I am not going to see a therapist, Gus," Shawn reiterated.

"Fine, don't," Gus said, shrugging his shoulders as though it didn't bother him when it obviously did, "But maybe let the boys talk to someone."

"Maybe," Shawn finally relented. "I'll have to think about it."

Gus took the cup of coffee away from Shawn. "No more late-night caffeine, Shawn. I've got some natural sleep aid if you want to try that, but you need to start getting some sleep. If you are going to keep up with those boys of yours, you need your energy."

Finally, Shawn smiled, and glanced down at the table. "Thanks, mom," he muttered.

 _Author's Note:_

 _I am so sorry for the delayed updates. For some reason, the website is not letting me submit new chapters on my laptop. I'd found a way around the issue by posting from my phone, but now that doesn't work either._

 _Now I'm posting through the app._

 _I've tried contacting support; however it hasn't helped. I will try to post a much longer chapter within the next couple days now that I have found this new method._

 _Thank you for your patience :)_


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Thank you for all the patience, reviews, follows, and favorites! I am so sorry that updates for this story have been sporadic and far between. I blame the integrity of Safari (boo!). I have switched to using Chrome for FanFiction, so hopefully that resolves the issue! Thank you for your support, and I hope to do much more frequent updates from here on out :)_**

* * *

Shawn had gotten a job working from home. It was temporary, and didn't pay great. However, it was enough to get him started on his new life as a single dad. Gus made life easier by letting them live with him rent-free; however, Shawn did everything he could to cost Gus as little as possible to live with him. He made Gus agree to let him pay for at least ninety percent of groceries and house goods. It didn't feel like an entirely fair trade; however, Gus also insisted that he was Shawn's best friend and that he wanted to help in anyway he could. So Gus paid for room and utilities while Shawn tried to pay for everything else. He also had to pay for a storage unit for all the stuff that wouldn't fit in Gus' guest room. Shawn's ultimate goal was to find a job to support him and the boys getting a place of their own eventually...the sooner the better!

Online, Shawn was a consultant. He reviewed reports and files and found anything that might have been missed. He was good at his job, but it was also grunt labor. He wanted to be in on the action, not just the paperwork. Of course, working with law enforcement was out of the question...at least in Santa Barbara. Fortunately, when his secret was blown, no charges had been pressed and he didn't have a record. In spite of that, Shawn knew way better than to push his limits.

For now, working from home was a good fit, too. Until the boys were in school, Shawn had to be stay-at-home dad as well as the breadwinner. And he didn't mind staying home with his boys while they were adjusting to life without Katherine; it was something they needed, it was something he needed. However, there were times when Shawn had a difficult time juggling both.

Like today for example. Liam had decided to squeeze all of the toothpaste in the house into the bathroom sink. Skyler had been a little grump all morning, and had no patience for any of Liam's shenanigans, and his constant whining was starting to grate on Shawn's worn nerves. That is why, after cleaning all the goopy mixture of mint and bubblegum toothpaste out of the sink, Shawn decided it was time to get out of the house and take the boys to an indoor park where they could run wild and free in a safe environment while he got some work done. Liam could play to his hearts content in the ball pit, while Skyler climbed to new heights away from his pesky little brother for some time to himself. Sure, it wasn't the most sanitary decision Shawn had ever made; however, desperate times called for desperate measures.

Shawn cranked up the children's music on the radio and put his sunglasses on. Liam was happily singing his heart out while Skyler sat gloomily in his seat with his head leaned against the window. Shawn glanced back at him thoughtfully. Maybe it was time for him to have a dad-son day, just him and Skyler. Liam could stay with Gus...or his dad. That made Shawn grin a little bit to think about. Finally, having a grandparent in his sons' lives. He'd never realized how desperately he'd waited for it until now. Liam seemed to like Henry a lot, but Liam was like that with everyone. It made Shawn nervous sometimes, and the "don't talk to strangers" topic came up regularly with the naive toddler.

The light turned red, and Shawn slowed to a stop. He sighed, glancing at the sidewalks for pedestrians. Driving anymore made him feel nervous. He knew that it was a necessary part of modern life, but he desperately wished they could just go back to horse and buggies. That was a thing, right? Maybe he should just move the Pennsylvania and be Amish. Katherine would have laughed to hear him think that. Shawn grinned grimly and shook his head. No, he could do this. Horrible memories might lurk for awhile, but they would eventually fade. That's what all the websites said, at least. It was part of the grieving process. While he would never admit it to anyone, he had done his research. He'd even participated anonymously on a few chats to help him process. It had helped. A little. But there was something about telling a stranger who didn't have any care or connection that made it less than satisfying.

Green light.

Shawn didn't go right away. He glanced to be sure that the crossing lane was stopped in their places. Everyone was stopped, everyone was waiting. The car behind him tapped their horn irritably, but he didn't care. He was not taking any chances. Not with his boys. Sure, he might be a little skittish; however, waiting an extra two seconds to go wasn't going to kill anyone. Shawn winced at his own mental terminology. He shifted his foot to the gas pedal and gently pushed, pulling forward and into the intersection.

That's when he saw it. The small, dark car speeding toward him, swerving around the line of traffic into the turning lane to run the red light. Panic surged his adrenaline, and his foot immediately hit the break. The car kept coming, going faster and faster. Shawn blared his horn, hoping to catch the attention of the other vehicles pulling forward from their lanes. The car in the lane next to him didn't notice at all, and started forward just ahead of him. Shawn put his car in reverse and backed up as much as he could without ramming the vehicle behind him. The moment seemed to go in slow motion, just like in the movies. Shawn's felt like everyone should be able to see the inevitable just like he could; however, no one else seemed to notice. No one else seemed to care. And yet, he was going to be a part of it whether he wanted to or not.

* * *

 _"This morning, a getaway car caused a four car accident at the intersection of..."_ the newscaster droned in the background. Henry sat uncomfortably in the waiting room chair, shifting hopefully whenever a nurse or doctor came out from the back. Liam sat on his knee, playing with his iPhone. Henry had loaded on a few games he thought the kid would like, and so far Liam had made no qualms.

Shawn had called Henry from the scene of the accident. None of them had been seriously injured; however, they were all going to the hospital to get checked for whiplash and concussion. Liam had been the first one to be released with some minor bruises from his seatbelt straps and a slight case of whiplash. Shawn and Skyler, who had been on the side of the car to make impact, were still being checked. Henry's worse fear was that they were going to be admitted for an underlying injury that hadn't been immediately noticeable. Shawn had sounded fairly confident on the phone that they were all fine, just shaken up. But there was something in Shawn's voice that hadn't seemed right at all, and it made him worry. Granted, he hadn't heard much of Shawn's voice in a decade, let alone, mature, father Shawn's voice.

"Mr. Spencer!" a voice said.

Henry looked to the sliding doors and saw Guster rushing toward him. "Gus!" he said, relieved to see a supportive, familiar face. Under normal circumstances, he would have been awkward and uncomfortable running into Guster for the first time since Shawn walked out, but this was hardly normal circumstances.

"Uncle Gus!" cried Liam, sitting up and smiling at Guster. "Someone hit us with their car!"

Guster frowned. "I know, buddy. Are you okay?"

Liam shrugged and winced. "Yeah. It just hurts a little. Daddy said I was really brave. I didn't even cry for very long!"

"That's good," Guster said, trying to sound enthusiastic while worry still strained his tone.

"I'm playing games on Grandpa Henry's phone," Liam said importantly.

Guster smiled and looked at Henry. "How are Shawn and Skyler?"

"They seemed fine before they went in to see the doctor, but I haven't heard anything yet," Henry said.

Guster sat down. "How does Shawn seem to be handling it? I mean, all things considering."

"I mean, he seems shaken up, but anyone would be," Henry said. He didn't want to come across as worried as he felt.

"Hey, Liam, can you do something for me, buddy?" Guster asked suddenly, averting his attention to the boy in Henry's lap.

Liam looked up from his game. "What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Can you go over and find me some good books to read from the bookshelf?" Guster asked, pointing to the shelves of children's books in the far corner of the waiting room. Henry opened his mouth to protest Liam getting up and running around, but Guster just gave him a meaningful look. "Please, Liam?"

"Okay," Liam said with a sigh, sliding out of Henry's lap and giving him the iPhone. He walked away, glancing over his shoulder to make sure he was being watched.

"Mr. Spencer, you know that Katherine was killed in a car accident, don't you?" Guster asked quickly and quietly.

Henry stared at him, slightly aghast at the fact that Gus was not mincing words whatsoever. But no, he hadn't known about how Katherine died. Shawn hadn't really brought up much about Katherine's death since the first time he told him. Henry had just figured Shawn would tell him when he was ready. But now that he knew, this put a whole new light on the subject. A new worry sprouted in Henry's mind. "I didn't," Henry finally answered Guster, looking uncomfortable.

"Shawn has been a paranoid driver ever since," Guster said, frowning as he watched Liam across the book examining each book on the shelf critically. "Understandably, of course. I can't believe something like this would happen to him and the boys of all people."

"It is an unfortunate coincidence," Henry agreed. He didn't really know what else to say. Was there anything else to say? Now all he wanted was to go to Shawn and see how he was...and Skyler. Skyler was old enough to know how his mother died. How was all this affecting him?

"Do you know how they're doing?" Guster asked.

Henry shook his head. "No. When I got here, they were just releasing Liam, and asked that I wait out here with him. They said that Skyler was fine, they were just doing some x-rays, and Shawn was staying with him."

"How long ago was that?"

Henry glanced at his watch. "Half hour? Maybe? Seems like forever. Doctors these days..." his voice trailed off as his familiar negativity found its way back. He bit back the rest of the statement. "I'm sure everything's fine. They've got lots of patients to take care of."

"You're right," Guster said.

They didn't say anything else until Liam came back with a stack of carefully selected books which he presented to Guster for approval. Guster pulled the toddler up into his lap and proceeded to read each one, allowing Liam to look at the pictures at length before turning the page. Henry watched him thoughtfully. While he was worried about his son and grandson, it was nice to get his mind off the situation and think about another situation he hadn't ever thought about.

Guster was still unmarried. Of the two boys, Henry had always imagined Guster as the one who would settle down with a family and a stable job first. And yet, here he was in his late thirties, single, and reading picture books to his best friend's kid.

"You're gonna be a good dad someday, Guster," Henry muttered, not wanting to entirely interrupt the moment.

Guster smiled without looking at him. "I think I'm a confirmed bachelor, Mr. Spencer," he said, a smile in his voice. He didn't seem to mind his words in the least, and yet, Henry knew better than to accept them.

"You never know," Henry replied.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: Dark Suspense made an excellent observation which I had to note - the car accident did make an excellent entry point for Jules and Lassiter to enter the story! I admit it was hard trying to find something that would allow them to enter the story naturally, and also allow the other characters to move forward in their development. Perhaps a car accident wasn't the bestest of methods; however, Dark Suspense is right to say that they shall be soon making an appearance! Thank you for your patience and support, all my readers!**_

* * *

Skyler had stopped even trying to understand what the doctor was saying. Something about whiplash and bruising and medicine and concussion. It didn't help that Shawn kept asking questions, prompting the doctor to talk and talk and _talk_. Skyler just wanted to leave. He wanted to crawl under his blankets and hide from the world. He wanted to go home. Not home to Gus' stupid apartment. Home to Seattle, where Katherine was. Where his mom could give him a big hug and kiss his head where it hurt from hitting the window. But that home didn't exist anymore. Katherine didn't exist anymore. His whole life, the life he wanted back, didn't exist anymore. Now he had a new life, a life where nothing felt normal and everything was the worst.

That's why he started to cry.

Shawn rubbed his back. "Hey, hey, buddy," he said softly, pressing his lips against Skyler's head in a quick kiss. "Are you feeling okay? What hurts?"

"Nothing," Skyler sobbed. Nothing hurt worse than his heart. And there wasn't anything Shawn or the stupid doctor could do to fix that.

"He's had a big day," the doctor said importantly like he knew anything at all. "He just needs rest and some time."

"Let's go out and find Grandpa Henry and Liam," Shawn said. He gently made Skyler slide out of his lap into a standing position and stood up himself.

Skyler stood there stiffly. He didn't want to walk. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to close his eyes and open them to find everything how it _should_ be. To his surprise, Shawn scooped him up, holding him just like he held Liam when Liam wasn't in the mood to walk. It was the first comforting thing that had happened in the entire day. Finally, something felt right, just being held by his dad. Skyler put his head on Shawn's shoulder facing out so he could see. Then he turned it in so that he was facing Shawn's neck because he saw the doctor staring at him. He was tired of the doctor looking at him.

"Have a better day, Mr. Spencer," the doctor said, sounding like he thought he was clever. It just made Skyler annoyed. He didn't like the doctor.

Skyler turned his head so he could see again after they left the confined, little room. He didn't feel well, which the doctor said was normal. He felt sick to his stomach, and his head hurt. They'd done an X-ray of his shoulder to make sure it wasn't broken because of the pain he felt there too. However, the doctor said it was just bruised and that "if he took medicine like a good boy, it would help." Skyler had wanted to scowl at the doctor when he said that, talking to Skyler as though he were Liam. Skyler wasn't a baby that had to be talked down too. He knew how to take his medicine without throwing a fit. However, Skyler was never one to give adults (besides, sometimes, Shawn) an attitude. He knew better than to talk back or give a dirty look. Besides that, he hadn't really the energy to put the effort into doing anything to make the doctor realize how annoying he was being.

"What do you say we go home and read some books?" Shawn asked.

Skyler didn't reply. He just shrugged, knowing Shawn would feel it.

When they got to the waiting room, three voices met them, but Skyler didn't bother looking up. He could hear Gus and Henry and Liam...mostly Liam, because he was upset that Skyler was being held instead of him. Skyler held on a little tighter. He was not about to give up the place he'd so long fought for. He heard Gus talking to Liam and Liam laughing. Skyler burrowed his face into Shawn's shoulder. He never wanted to move for the rest of his life.

* * *

 _3 hours earlier..._

Sirens were screeching, lights were flashing and glaring. Shawn was sitting on the back bumper of an ambulance with a boy on each side, both crying, both traumatized by the entire world around them. And here was Shawn trying to keep it together while paramedics poked and prodded with every good intention. Their final recommendation was to go to the hospital to be checked out, which, of course, Shawn had already intended to do. Somehow, being told to do it made him feel angry, as though they thought he didn't know how to take care of his own kids. He chided himself bitterly. They were just doing their job.

An officer walked up, notepad in hand. "Hello, sir. Did you witness the car that ran the light?"

"I did," Shawn answered gruffly. What he wanted to scream was, _Duh! I'm_ here _, aren't I?_

"I need to get your statement," the officer said, sounding apologetic.

Of course, it was the worst of times and the best of times. _Dickens,_ Shawn thought vaguely, _I'm in a Dicken's novel. Why do I know that? High school English?_

Shawn briefly went over the details he remembered, which, by the look on the officer's face, was more than sufficient. It might have been years since Shawn used his "gift" for detective work, but he still had the knack. Katherine had loved it. Whenever she couldn't remember something, she'd just snap her fingers and point at Shawn. "Give it to me, babe!" she'd say.

"Can I get your name and contact information, in case we have any other questions?" the officer asked.

"Shawn Spencer," Shawn said and rattled off his phone number.

"Thank you for your time, sir, we appreciate your cooperation," the officer said, smiling briefly at the two boys who had settled down to watch the uniformed police officer.

"Was he a real policeman?" asked Liam excitedly.

Shawn couldn't help but grin. "Yep. He sure was."

* * *

 _Present..._

After a lot of discussion, it was decided that Shawn and the boys would go to Henry's house for awhile so that Henry could keep an eye on them (namely, Shawn) for the rest of the day. Gus had to go back to work, and Shawn was frankly relieved that he wasn't going to be taking care of the boys by himself for the day. He had suffered in the accident too and felt every bit as sore. The only difference was he wasn't able to be carried around and babied like the boys. He just had to suck it up, which was understandable since he was an adult, he had to admit.

The biggest issue was the car seat situation. Skyler was old enough for a booster, which was easy enough to find and install. Liam's four-point harness seat, on the other hand, had to be put in just so. Luckily, Walmart was just across the street, and they were able to buy the seats no problem. Shawn felt a little nervous using his debit card because he hadn't checked the balance recently. The last thing he needed was his dad seeing that his card got declined. All went smoothly, however, and Shawn decided to check his banking app on the way home as discreetly as possible so as to avoid suspicion.

Henry had gotten a new car, although he still had his ancient truck. It was a sensible little thing, not ornate in the least. It didn't even have a CD player, which bothered Shawn just a little.

"How do you listen to anything?" Shawn asked.

Henry scoffed. "The radio was invented long before CD players, Shawn."

Shawn grinned a little bit because it almost felt like the old days before everything happened when their relationship had started to heal the first time. Just good, old fashioned banter back and forth between father and son.

"Yeah, well an aux cable would be nice...blu-tooth would be better," Shawn returned with a grin.

Henry shook his head. "You know, people have survived for thousands of years without technology of any kind. I think I can handle driving a car that doesn't have the new fangled gadgets."

"You old dinosaur," Shawn teased lightly.

"That's me," Henry agreed.

When they pulled into the driveway, Liam suddenly got excited. "We're at your house!" he announced to Henry.

"Yes, we are," Henry said with a chuckle. "I'm glad you recognize it."

"It's my favorite house," Liam continued, trying to unbuckle his harness with no success.

Shawn's heart sank a little when he realized that Liam was starting to forget the house he was born in, the house that they had had with Katherine. Toddler's lives could change so drastically, and yet they easily adapted to their new circumstances. He wished he were that way...and Skyler...at the same time as he didn't. He didn't want to lose his memories of Katherine, or their house. He would always remember Katherine laughing that their house had avocado colored shag carpet thanks to the trendy previous owners. "Too soon," she'd say.

The boys hadn't liked it because it was hard to drive their cars over it.

 _"Pretend your cars are driving through the Savannah in Africa, chasing zebras and lions,"_ Katherine would tell them. _Skyler would laugh, "The owner of my Lamborghini wouldn't approve of me driving his $200,000_

Skyler would laugh, _"The owner of my Lamborghini wouldn't approve of me driving his $200,000_ car _through the Savannah, Mom!"_

 _"How do you know how much a Lamborghini costs?"_ Katherine asked.

 _"Dad and I priced checked them,"_ Skyler said importantly.

 _"Did you now. You planning on getting a Lamborghini, Shawn?"_

 _"Yep! Right after I hit the jackpot,"_ Shawn returned.

 _"And when will that be?"_

 _"Eight years ago."_

 _"Really? Why didn't I hear about this?"_

 _"You married me didn't you?"_ Oh, the smile on her face had made his heart soar.

"Shawn, are you feeling alright?" Henry asked.

Shawn's memories fled and he was suddenly back in the passenger seat of his dad's little car. Shawn blinked and looked at Henry. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."

"I don't have much food in the house," Henry said, "I can order pizza? Or I can go grab some groceries if you think you're okay being with the boys by yourself."

Shawn smiled as they climbed out of the car. "Pizza sounds great, Dad."

"Are you sure?" Henry was watching him over the car as Shawn opened the rear passenger side door to get Liam out of his car seat.

"Of course," Shawn said. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Henry shrugged. "I don't know."

"I want cheese pizza, Dad," Liam said, leaping out of his seat as soon as Shawn released him from his bonds. "Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese!"

"Liam, that's not the appropriate way to make a suggestion," Shawn chided.

"That's a lot of big words," Henry observed.

Shawn laughed. "He knows what it means."

"Yeah," Skyler said, speaking for the first time since the hospital, "Mom use to tell us that _all_ the time."

Shawn's heart skipped a beat, he was sure, the moment Skyler said 'Mom.' It was both a relief and a little startling. And yet, Skyler sounded as though it was perfectly normal for him to talk about his mom with no hesitation.

Henry responded without a moment's hesitation. "Did she now! Your mom liked big words, huh?"

"Not all the time," Skyler said. "Only when she wanted us to listen to her or to behave ourselves."

"So big words get your attention?" Henry asked. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

Shawn watched Skyler's face and was relieved when the boy grinned. "Yep. You will. Especially with Liam."

"What about me?" Liam asked, oblivious to the entire conversation. He was too busy picking dandelions in the yard to be paying attention.

"Nothing," Shawn said. "Let's order pizza."

* * *

"Here's the last report," the junior detective said handing the file over to the head detective. "It's so detailed! Almost as though the guy had planned the accident himself." He laughed.

Juliet O'Hara took it. "Well, isn't that nice," she said. "Hopefully it isn't some crazy we'll have to deal with."

"According to the officer who took the statement, he seemed really sincere and helpful. He had two kids with him too."

Juliet frowned. "That's sad. I hope they weren't hurt."

"No one at the scene was critically injured...besides the driver, that is," McNabb added awkwardly.

"Yeah, well," Juliet said as she opened the file. The first thing she saw was the name. "Shawn?"

"What?" McNabb asked.

"This statement was given by Shawn...Shawn Spencer! He's back in Santa Barbara?"

"Uh, I guess?" McNabb said, looking uncomfortable.

Juliet looked at him. "How did you not know who gave this statement?"

"I don't look at the names," McNabb said, adding quietly, "I always skip that part."

"I'm calling this Mr. Spencer in for a few questions," Juliet said.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, considering how everything went before," McNabb said.

Juliet wouldn't look the officer in the eye. "Probably not. But I have to know what happened to him."

* * *

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Shawn woke with a crick in his neck and winced. It took him several moments too long to realize where he was and why. He was sitting on his dad's old, worn couch, both boys sprawled on top and against him. He blinked, trying to remember how he had gotten here, why he was still here. That's when he remembered the accident.

"How're you feeling, son?" Henry's voice broke through his foggy mind.

Shawn focused his gaze on the chair where Henry sat with a fishing book. He decided not to answer the question. "How long have we been asleep?"

"A couple hours," Henry said with a shrug. "We kept the boys up long enough to not worry about concussions anymore, so I thought you all could use the nap."

"Thanks," Shawn said, managing to pull his hand out from under Liam's limp body to rub his neck without waking the toddler.

"So?" Henry asked.

Shawn frowned. "So, what?"

"I asked how you're feeling. Aren't you going to answer?"

"I'm fine, Dad," Shawn said, averting his gaze to the floor. Something about the question felt loaded. He didn't like the feeling that his dad knew something he didn't. His mind flitted through the information his father could possibly have on him; however, nothing came to mind. Maybe he'd hit his head harder than he thought.

"Gus told me about Katherine," Henry said finally, "How she died."

Shawn's throat constricted and a burning sensation tickled his eyes and nose. He couldn't tell if he was angry or relieved. He'd known he would have to tell Henry eventually how Katherine had passed away; and yet, here he was, put on the spot, dealing with a situation he had not signed up for. However, to be fair, he hadn't signed up for any of this. Perhaps Gus being the one to broach the subject would make it easier to discuss now.

"I just want to know how you're doing, Son," Henry said gently.

Shawn had not heard that much reserve in his father's voice since Abigail almost died.

He tried to take a deep breath, but it shuddered and shook. "I don't know," he said finally. "I mean, I've tried to understand why her. She didn't deserve to die. The boys did not deserve to lose their mother." Shawn stopped short of a sob. His head hurt, the intense emotion did not help.

"And you did not deserve to lose your wife," Henry said.

Shawn stared intensely at the floor. Every scuff mark suddenly stood out to him. How many of those scars had been from his childhood nonsense? "It was hard, Dad. Really hard. Liam didn't understand why his mom never came home. Skyler is still not the same. Neither am I."

"I wish I could have been there for you," Henry said.

Shawn finally looked up, meeting his father's soft gaze. "I'm glad you are now."

* * *

Shawn sat in the familiar police station, waiting for the head detective to speak with him. He'd been called in to give his testimony again about the accident. Frankly, he thought the whole thing was idiotic. He'd already told them everything he knew. All they were doing now was taking him away from his boys when they needed him. Skyler had looked like he was about to cry when Shawn left them with Henry. Liam had been a little clingy, but for the most part, he liked Henry enough not to mind too terribly. However, it was annoying nonetheless that he was even in here. Not to mention he might run into someone he knows…which was not at all unlikely. Already he'd seen several officers he had known. They had not recognized him, or if they did, they pretended not to know him. That was not an unlikely reaction after the giant blow-up he'd caused.

"Mr. Shawn Spencer," a voice suddenly said. It was a voice so familiar, Shawn's first and natural reaction was to smile. It was the voice he had spent several years pursuing its speaker. It was the voice that made butterflies in his stomach.

"Jules," Shawn said, standing up and standing face to face with Juliet O'Hara for the first time in 10 years.

"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Spencer. We appreciate your help on this case," Juliet said, matter-of-factly, as though she did not know Shawn personally at all.

"I'm happy to help wherever I can," Shawn said, taken aback by Juliet's coldness. He did not understand why he was surprised. After all, she was being more civil than he deserved as it was.

"We can go in the conference room," Juliet said, indicating to room Shawn had spent hours in back in the day. She acted as though he would not remember it.

Shawn walked in ahead of her, and Juliet immediately followed, closing the door behind them. He could not decide if he should sit down or not, so he decided against it. He would let Juliet tell him what they were doing. After all, it was obvious he was not in here about the accident. He had already given a more than detailed account to the officer at the scene. Something was going on, and Shawn had a feeling it was personal. To say he felt nervous was a severe understatement. Shawn didn't have to wait long to have some closure.

"When did you get back to Santa Barbara, Shawn?" Juliet asked, turning to face him.

Shawn studied her features briefly, gaging the motive behind the question. Was she genuinely interested? Probably, but not as a friend would be. Was she asking what he was doing back, like how dare he show his face in the city again? Oh. That was definitely toward the top of the list.

"A few months ago," Shawn said.

Juliet put out her hand, pointing at a chair. "Sit down. Let's talk."

"I'm not here about the car accident, am I." It was not a question. Shawn was not going to sit down until he knew exactly what he was doing here. If he was here to get bombarded with questions about his personal life the past ten years, he was not ready for that. He had barely been ready to share that information with his dad. In fact, he had barely shared anything with his dad even now. Gus had been the one to tell Henry how Katherine died.

Juliet hesitated. Shawn could tell she was having the same reservations he was having. The way she could not quite meet his eye. "I just want to talk, Shawn."

"This isn't what I came here to do," Shawn said, feeling like he was suddenly on the defensive. Like he had any right to feel defensive, he chided himself. After all, it was his fault everything had happened. It was his fault their friendship had exploded into a million pieces. It was his fault. His fault. Juliet had every right to talk to him or not. He should be grateful that she even wanted to see him again after what happened.

"When were you going to do it?" Juliet asked. "When were you going to tell me that you were back?"

"I don't know," Shawn admitted. "Honestly, I didn't think you'd want to see me again, talk to me again, after what happened."

"You're right," Juliet said. "Or, you would have been right ten years ago, Shawn. But we've both matured, I think, and nothing either of us do now will change what happened then. You were one of my closest friends, Shawn. I just want to know what happened to you. Where did you go?"

"Jules…" Shawn began, but Juliet cut him off.

"No, Shawn. You owe me this. You owe me the truth. After all those lies that you told, I just want the truth." Juliet looked like she was on the verge of tears. Angry, bitter, pained tears. She was right. Shawn owed her this. More than this.

"Alright," Shawn said, going to the chair she had pointed at. "The truth."

Juliet sat down across from him. She did not say anything. She just waited. Somehow, to Shawn, that just made it harder to begin.

"When I left Santa Barbara, I left with all the money I still had. It wasn't much, but I drove until I ran out. I got stranded in this little town, got a room at the motel, and worked at the first place that would hire me. That's how I lived for a month or two. I thought I would leave eventually, but I didn't mind being somewhere where no one knew he I was. I was a stranger, and nobody cared if I came, went, or stayed. That's when I met Katherine." Shawn stopped, not to be dramatic, though he might have been able to play it off. Just remembering meeting Katherine for the first time. The pretty blond having a meltdown over pumping her own gas for the first time. He still remembered that sunburned face smiling at him as though he were the best thing she'd seen in a while. He knew she was.

"Katherine?" Juliet prompted gently.

Shawn realized he was crying. He quickly brushed away the tears, and grinned. "Yeah, sorry. Um. I married her. It was reckless, we'd only known each other for a few months when we tied the knot. Gus came to the wedding. Katherine and I were so happy, though. We moved up to Seattle. We have two boys, Skyler and Liam. Skyler is seven now, and Liam is three."

"What made you come back here?" Juliet asked. It was an honest question. If they had had a good life in Seattle, what on earth would make him come back the place where his life had first fallen apart?

Shawn did not want to tell this part of the story, but like Juliet said, he owed her honesty. "Katherine was killed in a car accident six months ago," Shawn said finally.

Juliet looked taken aback. "Shawn, I am so sorry."

Shawn continued before he could let her words set in. Otherwise, he would not be able to go on. "Being in Seattle just reminded me of her, and I couldn't anymore. On top of that, being a single dad with two small children and no connections…I needed help. Gus let us move in with him for a little while, that's where we are living now until I can find an apartment of our own. Last week, we met with my dad for the first time."

"Henry must be happy, to have you back," Juliet said quietly.

"He deserved a better son than me, but my sons deserve to have a grandfather like him," Shawn said, "He's going to spoil those two."

"Good," Juliet said with a smile. She looked down at her hands.

Shawn changed the subject. "Ten years ago, Juliet, my mistakes caught up with me, and I took it out on everyone here. That wasn't fair."

"No, it wasn't," Juliet agreed.

"I'm sorry, Jules, for everything. For the lies, for the way I treated you, everything. I know that that's not enough to even begin to cover what I did, but I hope it's a start?"

Juliet frowned, but she still wouldn't look up. "You're right, Shawn. It's a start."

"I don't have any right to ask you anything," Shawn said, "but, what about you? How is life?"

Now Juliet looked up. "It was hard, at first. Dealing with what happened. I almost quit, moved on. Lassiter talked me into staying. Five years ago, Vick moved to San Francisco, Lassiter became chief, and I moved up to head detective. Here I am."

Shawn looked at her ring finger. It didn't even have a tan line. "Any significant other?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah," Juliet said, a small smile twitching the edge of her lips. "He's a good guy. I think he might pop the question soon."

Shawn smiled. "That's great, Juliet. I'm very happy for you."

"Thank you, Shawn." Juliet heaved a shaky sigh. "Thank you for coming in."

* * *

"When is Dad going to be home?" Skyler asked, fingering the leather stitching in the glove Henry had given him. They'd had an adventure, as Henry called it, of going up to Shawn's old bedroom and the attic to go through all his old toys. Liam was still engrossed in several of the treasures he had unearthed, while Skyler was watching the door intently for Shawn to come through.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Henry said for the hundredth time.

Skyler sighed and fell back on the couch. He did not want to cry, but he felt like he might. It was hard enough being left with Uncle Gus sometimes while his dad ran errands, let alone Grandpa Henry, a man he had only known a week. Shawn acted as though Skyler and Liam should love him just because he was Shawn's dad. Liam seemed to like him well enough, but Skyler did not know what to think of him.

Henry had a nice smile, and he tried to make the boys feel at home. He got them crackers and juice, and made them peanut butter sandwiches without the crusts. This morning he had made all of them Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast. Skyler clenched his jaw to keep it from shaking. All the things Grandpa Henry did were things Katherine would have done.

"Are you feeling alright, Skyler?" Henry asked.

Skyler looked up and tried his hardest to smile. "I'm fine," he lied. It might have sounded honest had he not hiccupped on a suppressed sob.

"Hey, hey," Henry said gently, moving from his chair to come sit next to Skyler on the couch, "Your dad is going to be home really soon."

Skyler did not like this situation at all. He scooted a couple inches away. "It's not Dad," Skyler said. "It's you."

"Me?" Henry looked hurt, but he covered it with a sad smile. "Did I do something to upset you?"

Skyler scowled at the baseball glove, because scowling was the best next thing he could do besides bursting into tears. "Why do you do all the things Mom used to do?"

"I didn't know that I was," Henry said.

"She used to make us special pancakes, and give us crackers and juice for snack, and cut the crust off our sandwiches," Skyler said stiffly.

"I see," Henry said. He was quiet for so long that Skyler dared to glance at him sideways. Henry caught him looking and smiled a little bit. "Can I tell you a secret, Skyler?"

Skyler did not know if he wanted to know any secrets. Not from Henry. But maybe he did. His curiosity caught him before his angry resolution. He nodded one short nod.

Henry leaned closer. "My mom used to make me special pancakes for breakfast, give me crackers and juice for snack, and cut the crust off my sandwiches when I was a boy. And Shawn's mom did the same for him. I think that moms are the same like that. Doing special things for their children."

Skyler blinked. He did not know what to think about Shawn having a mom and Henry having a mom. He looked at Henry. "Where's your mom, Grandpa Henry?" he asked.

"She passed away," Henry said.

"Like my mom?" Skyler asked.

Henry nodded. "I miss her a lot. Sometimes, when I miss her the most, I talk about her and tell stories about when she was with me."

"I tell Liam stories sometimes," Skyler said, looking down at his glove. "Because I think Liam might forget, because he's so little."

"You're a good big brother, Skyler," Henry said with smile. He put a hand on top of Skyler's head, just like Shawn always did. "But sometimes, you can tell other people stories about your mom too."

"Dad doesn't like to talk about Mom," Skyler whispered.

Henry was quiet for a few moments. "He will. Someday. Maybe not yet, but he will. For now, if you want, you could tell me stories about your mom. I am very sorry I never got to know her, because she seems like she was a wonderful lady."

"She was," Skyler agreed. He sniffed. "You want to hear stories about Mom?"

Henry nodded. "I would, if you'd like to tell me some."

Skyler smiled. "I would."

* * *

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**_Author's Note:_** _I have started a new job where I am occasionally working 10 hour overnight shifts where I literally just sit in a chair and try to stay awake basically the whole time. Since I have all this free time now, I hope that I'll be able to catch back up on this story. Fair warning, this is an emotional chapter. Blame it on sleep deprivation if you want, but I just really thought this chapter needed to happen. We'll be branching out to other regions of Shawn's story soon! We still haven't seen Lassiter yet, soooo..._

* * *

Shawn was surprised to find Skyler in deep conversation with Henry when he returned to the house after going to the station. Liam was sitting on the floor contently playing with some of Shawn's old toys that he recognized. However, Skyler looked genuinely happy sitting on the couch with Henry, explaining something in such great detail that he was using his hands for emphasis.

"Hey, boys! I'm back," Shawn said, coming into the living room.

Liam jumped up, ran over, and threw his arms around Shawn's legs. "Daddy! I like your old toys! Can they be mine?"

Shawn laughed and scooped up his youngest in a tight hug. "You can certainly play with them while we're at Grandpa's house, sure!" he said, giving Liam a kiss on the forehead.

Liam squirmed to get away. "I want to go play again," he fussed, wiggling.

Shawn released the child and watched him run back to his previous activity. He turned his gaze to Skyler and Henry, and was startled that they were both staring at him quietly. "Hey, guys," he said with a lopsided grin, "What're you talking about?"

Skyler looked uncomfortable. "Nothing," he said.

"Really?" Shawn asked, walking over and sitting down next to Skyler. "It sure looked interesting when I came in."

Skyler shifted his eyes briefly to glance at Henry. Shawn also looked at Henry, silently asking for an explanation. Henry smiled. "Skyler was just telling me about his mom. He has some very good stories about her. She sounds like she was a very good mom."

Shawn looked back at Skyler and caught the fearful look in his son's eyes. Confused, Shawn tried to smile. "Good. I'm glad that you're telling Grandpa Henry about Mom."

Skyler tilted his head. "Oh," he said.

"Did you think I'd be upset?" Shawn asked, trying to keep his emotions at bay. Something didn't feel right, and he had a feeling it was his fault.

Skyler would not look him in the eye. "I dunno," he muttered. "Can I go play with Liam?"

"Of course, you can," Shawn said, tousling Skyler's hair.

Skyler slid off the couch and went to sit with Liam; however, he did not start playing. He just sat and stared at the floor. Shawn watched him for a few seconds longer before turning back to Henry. "What was that about?" he barely whispered.

Henry nodded towards the kitchen. "Let's talk," he said.

Shawn followed Henry into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter as Henry began getting out the supplies to make a sandwich. "Are you hungry," Henry asked.

Shawn didn't know how to answer for a moment. It was such a simple, mundane question, and yet, there was an element to it that made an unidentifiable emotion catch in Shawn's throat. "Um, yeah. Yeah, thanks," Shawn said finally, clearing his throat.

Henry opened the fridge. "Mustard? Mayo?"

"Sounds good," Shawn replied. He really just wanted to hear about Skyler.

Henry began the process of creating the sandwich. He didn't even look at Shawn as he did so. "I made the boys peanut butter and jelly for lunch today," he said.

"I bet they loved that." Shawn smiled. It was nice to know that Henry was so quickly adjusting to the role of grandfather.

"Liam did," Henry said, finally glancing up, "Skyler…not so much."

"Really? Why?" Shawn asked, surprised. Of his two sons, Skyler was usually the last one to complain about anything. He was the easy child, the one that went to bed when he was supposed to and put his shoes on without being asked a hundred times.

Henry sighed. "I cut the crusts off for them, and it reminded Skyler of his mom. He said that I was doing things just like his mom would, and he got very upset."

Shawn blinked. He almost felt like he might cry. All these months, Skyler quietly mourning Katherine's death, refusing to process his grief out loud, and when he finally breaks down, Shawn wasn't even there to be with him or comfort him. "I should have been here," he said.

"No, I think it was better that you weren't," Henry said.

A flush of anger overwhelmed Shawn's grief. "What?" he asked. He didn't mean to sound demanding; however, there was something in Henry's voice that almost sounded accusatory.

Henry must have noticed Shawn's flare of emotion because he ignored it. He always did that. Remained calm and collected whenever Shawn was upset which just infuriated Shawn even more. Shawn used to feel like it meant Henry was acting like Shawn's emotions were silly and unwarranted. Now that he had sons of his own, he knew that his dad had only been trying to diffuse an argument from forming. Granted, Shawn used to have a knack of pushing Henry over the brink of his own collected attitude, driving him to an angry fit of his own.

This time, however, Henry simply ignored Shawn's tone and continued as though Shawn had calmly asked, _Oh, why do you say that, Father? I am eager to learn from your infinite wisdom that is beyond my own understanding._

"Skyler loves you, Shawn. He cares and respects you so much that he doesn't want to hurt you by talking about his mom in front of you," Henry said.

Shawn's heart stopped. He knew that was not medically possible, but he felt a cinch in his chest and he was sure his heart had stopped beating in his chest. He felt it fall to the pit of his stomach. "What?" Shawn asked again, but it was not demanding this time. This time, his voice broke just like his heart had.

"Shawn," Henry said softly, "You have been going through so much these past months. More than any one man deserves."

Shawn felt like his knees were going to buckle. He went over to the table and sank into a chair. He didn't realize he was crying until he brushed his hand across his face and felt the tears. "I don't know what to do, Dad," he said through the lump in his throat. "I just fail over and over again, and I can't get it right."

Shawn didn't even realize Henry had moved from the counter until he felt two hands firmly plant on his shoulders, giving him a shake. "Shawn. You are not failing. Listen to me. Are you listening to me?"

Shawn nodded.

"Those boys in there are the sweetest, most sincere children I think I've ever met. Granted I am slightly bias because they're my grandsons; however, that is beside the point. You have raised them well, Shawn, and I am so proud of the father you've become in spite of the father I was."

"You were a great dad," Shawn choked.

Henry swore under his breath. "I made more than my share of mistakes. And you're going to make mistakes too. That's called being human. Skyler is sensitive to the needs of others, and he feels an intense need to take care of you, Shawn. He knows that you are doing everything for him and Liam, and he thinks that you don't like talking about Katherine because it upsets you. Are you saying that isn't even remotely true?"

"I don't know," Shawn admitted weakly. "I miss her so much, Dad."

"I know, kid," Henry said, putting a hand behind Shawn's head and pulling him into his chest.

* * *

Skyler was listening. He knew that when Henry and Shawn went into the kitchen they were going to talk about him. It was what grownups did when they thought that kids couldn't handle whatever they were going to say. Normally, Skyler would just wish he could hear what they were saying and continue playing with Liam. This time was different. This time Katherine was involved.

It helped that Liam did not want Skyler playing with him at the moment. As soon as Skyler sat down beside him, Liam very intentionally put all the toys just out of Skyler's reach. "These are mine," he had said quietly, glancing up to be sure that neither Henry nor Shawn had heard.

"I don't want them anyway," Skyler had muttered back, simply because he did not want Liam to think he had bossed him into not playing with the toys too. Liam just wrinkled his nose at Skyler and continued to play.

As soon as Henry and Shawn left the room, Skyler crawled across the floor to the wall next to the kitchen to listen. He sat with his back to the wall, drawing up his knees so he was as small as possible. At first, the grownups weren't saying anything interesting. Skyler almost started to feel silly for thinking they were going to talk about him at all. Then, Henry tattled on him, telling Shawn that Skyler had gotten upset with Henry for doing things like Katherine used to.

At first, Skyler was indignant. He had trusted Henry! But then, he heard Shawn start to cry. Skyler had seen his father cry only once before, right after Katherine died. Besides that, he had only ever seen Shawn after he had been crying, like when he had to tell Henry about Katherine. However, hearing Shawn cry this time felt even worse because it was his fault.

The realization made his stomach knot so tight he thought he might get sick. He felt his chin quiver, and he clenched his jaw and scowled, pressing his forehead into his knees. He didn't deserve to cry after what he did to Shawn.

Their voices got so quiet that Skyler could not even hear what they were saying anymore; however, the occasional snuffling sound let him know that Shawn was still upset. Skyler made his hands into fists. He should never have told Henry anything about Katherine. He should have kept his memories to himself and Liam. Liam didn't go blabbing to Shawn to make him cry.

After several minutes of not hearing anymore voices, Skyler heard a chair squawk. Panicked that Henry and Shawn would catch him eavesdropping, Skyler hastily crawled back across the floor to where Liam was still playing.

"Don't touch them," Liam cried, shoving Skyler away when he crawled to close.

"I'm not touching your stupid toys!" Skyler snapped.

"Hey, now, Skyler," Shawn said suddenly, "let's watch the language."

Skyler frowned when he saw how red and puffy Shawn's eyes were. "Can we go home now?" Skyler asked. He wanted nothing more than to crawl under his blankets on the air mattress and never get up again. He could just stare at the family picture he kept under his pillow from back when his family was actually happy. Back when Shawn never cried, when Liam knew to use his inside voice in the car, when Skyler didn't feel guilty when he laughed…

When Katherine wasn't dead.

"Actually, Skyler," Shawn said, "I think me and you are going to run some errands while Liam stays here and plays with Grandpa Henry."

That news excited Liam almost to the same extent it terrified Skyler. "I get to stay here by myself?" Liam asked ecstatically.

Skyler felt like he should be happy to have some time with Shawn all to himself. He knew he should be happy, but the gross feeling in his stomach just settled even more. He could just tell by the look on Shawn's face that they were not really going to "run errands." They were going to talk. They were going to talk about Katherine. What if Shawn started crying again? What would Skyler do then? He would not have Grandpa Henry or Liam to distract Shawn from being sad anymore. It would just be him.

"Come on, Skyler," Shawn said, holding out his hand to take Skyler's.

Skyler got up slowly and took Shawn's hand. Liam had started telling Henry all the things he wanted to do while Shawn and Skyler were gone. He thought they were going to go and run boring errands. But it was so much worse than that.

* * *

Shawn glanced back at Skyler in the rearview mirror. Skyler was staring out the window with wide eyes. He looked genuinely afraid of whatever he thought they were going to do. Shawn turned down the radio. "Hey, kid, want to go get some ice cream?"

Skyler shook his head. "No, thank you," he said.

"Alright then, what kind of treat do you want to get? Smoothies? Pie? Milkshakes?" Shawn listed each suggestion off with an appealing tone. None of them seemed to catch Skyler's interest.

"Dad," Skyler said, turning to look at Shawn, "am I in trouble?"

"No, of course not, why would you think that?" Shawn asked, surprised.

Skyler shrugged and looked back out the window. "Why didn't Liam have to come and do errands with us?"

"We're not really going to run errands, Skyler. I just wanted to have a special day, just the two of us. I thought you'd like that."

Skyler's frown deepened. "Why?"

"So that we can talk about stuff without Liam interrupting. He's a sweet little guy, but sometimes he doesn't know how to be a good listener, huh?" Shawn tried to laugh, but Skyler did not seem amused.

"Dad, I don't want to talk about Mom," Skyler said abruptly. "Please don't make me talk about Mom."

Shawn's breath caught in his throat. "Of course, I won't make you talk about Mom, honey. Why would you think that?"

"Because I heard you and Grandpa talking in the kitchen," Skyler said. Shawn saw suddenly that the boy was crying. "You were upset," Skyler hiccupped on a sob, "and it was because I told Grandpa about Mom."

"No, Skyler, no. I wasn't upset because you were telling Grandpa about Mom. Not at all."

Skyler shook his head vigorously. "I heard you! I heard you say so!" he cried.

Shawn pulled into the first parking lot they came to and parked. "Skyler, come sit in the front seat with me for a minute," Shawn said. He watched Skyler gingerly unbuckle. Once Skyler had climbed up into the front seat, Shawn pulled him into his lap and hugged him just tight enough he knew he wasn't hurting him. He pressed his lips against Skyler's head in a kiss. "Sweetheart, we need to get something straight. I am so happy when you talk about Mom. I love that you want to remember her, and tell stories about her to Grandpa and Liam. I hope you never, ever stop because your mom deserves to be remembered that way. She was a beautiful woman and mother, and she should be remembered and talked about."

Skyler was sobbing now, his thin shoulders quaking in Shawn's embrace.

"But, Skyler, you're braver than I am," Shawn continued, his own voice starting to change from the emotion swelling his throat, "I want to talk about Mom so much. I want to tell everyone I know all about her. But whenever I try to, my heart hurts so much because I miss her. Everyone says that I should talk about her and talk to people because it will help me feel better. I'm just so afraid that if I do talk about her, if I tell people about her, then she'll really be gone."

Skyler's face turned away from Shawn's chest where he had buried it. "But she is gone, Dad. I just don't want to forget her like Liam has. He's so little he can't remember her hair or her laugh. He doesn't remember her like we do. What if I forget her too?"

"We will never forget Mom, Skyler, never for our whole lives. She's too special in our hearts."

"I don't want to make you cry, Dad," Skyler said, curling more tightly into Shawn's arms, "that's why I never want to talk about Mom to you. I don't want to make you sad."

"I need you to teach me to be brave enough to talk about Mom, Skyler. And crying for Mom is not a bad thing. It shows how much we loved her and cared about her. As time goes on, we'll cry about Mom less and less, but not because we don't love her anymore. It will be because the good memories of her outweigh the sadness of losing her. And also, because we have hope. We will see her again, Skyler. We haven't lost her forever."

"She's in heaven," Skyler whispered.

Shawn gave Skyler's head another kiss. "That's right, kid, she's waiting for us in heaven."

* * *

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I'm trying really hard to get back into this story. Work has been crazy, and the motivation to write has been slim; however, I have hopes to eventually finish this story! Thanks to everyone who has favorited and followed, despite my gaps in posts!

* * *

Juliet tried to focus on the file that had been sitting on her desk for almost two hours. She hadn't made much progress; however, it was not a pressing case, allowing her some time to let her mind wander down memory lane. She had never thought she would admit to herself she had missed Shawn. His impish smile, tousled hair, his always watchful eyes. It was funny how she had never noticed that before…how he was always watching, observing. Maybe she had so desperately wanted to believe his lie that she had not wanted to notice the telltale signs.

 _"_ _Mr. Spence," Chief Vick's voice was low, almost a growl. "Do you know what you've done?"_

 _Shawn just stood there, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. But Juliet could tell he was scared. She could see it because his eyes were moving faster than usual, as though he were trying to recall everything he had ever done. "Chief," Shawn said, "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for all of this."_

 _"_ _A murderer almost walked away with a non-guilty verdict because you lied about evidence." Vick's knuckles were white as she clenched her fists. Juliet thought she might even take a swing at Shawn if she weren't the chief of police. She knew all of them wanted to._

 _Juliet and Lassiter had spent countless hours on this case, combing through evidence, pursuing wild goose chases, running down leads, losing sleep and sanity. And then Shawn walks in with "evidence" for the case, evidence that would get their man without further effort. Then it turned out the evidence meant nothing. It was all based on a lie…as hollow as the man Shawn became the moment his secret was broken. Fortunately for all of them, the lie had been found out before the evidence was submitted. One lie could have cost them more than a case._

 _"_ _What do you want me to say, Chief?" Shawn asked, his voice edged with suppressed anger. "I've apologized, I've told you the truth. Now what?"_

A burning sensation pricks Juliet's eyes as she remembered what happened next. It was like a ticking time bomb that none of them had known was there exploded. The shrapnel of heated words left everyone in the room devastated. Perhaps none more than Juliet, the woman who realized the man she loved had won her attention using a lie. Looking back, Juliet knew that Shawn was not entirely a lie. Not the man under the lie. He was still a good man, kind and gentle with a good heart. However, trust was something Juliet could not waver on. Ever.

Before Shawn was commanded to leave the police station and to never come back on threat of prosecution, he had thrown at Juliet a harsh, cold, calculated smile. _"It's not my fault you all were stupid enough to believe me."_ Though he was addressing the room, his eyes bore into hers, as though he were aiming them right into her soul. Because that is exactly where they hit.

After that, Juliet never heard from Shawn again. Not for ten long years. The pain had finally started to ebb, the betrayal becoming nothing more than a bitter memory from her past. Of course, in typical Shawn fashion, he waltzed back into her life when she least expected it.

However, the man that she had called in was not the Shawn she remembered. His familiar face was careworn from sleepless nights, his haircut more practical. His eyes were still ever watching, but there was a sadness behind them, so deep Juliet did not even know how to sympathize. Shawn was a father now, a widower, a man broken by death's cruelty. When he apologized, she knew that he truly meant it from the depths of his shattered heart. She did not know that she would ever be ready to invite Shawn back into her life as a friend; however, she knew she was ready to forgive him.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: First of all, I want to apologize for the slow updates on this story. I am trying to decide what direction I want to take this story. DM me if you have any brilliant suggestions (no promises they'll pan out, but it might get the ball rolling!)

* * *

Shawn and the boys spend several days with Henry as they recovered from the accident. While they were not seriously injured whatsoever, the emotional damage was fairly significant. Liam, while seemingly the least affected, was whiny and irritable. Skyler was more composed, and after his talk with Shawn, seemed to be doing much better. Shawn was exhausted, mostly; however, Henry didn't think it was from the accident. Shawn admitted vaguely that he had a hard time sleeping at night, and Henry often found him slumped into the couch cushions fast asleep while his sons sprawled across his lap watching cartoons.

For Henry's part, he enjoyed the busyness that came with having constant company. He didn't realize how much he had missed the chattering of little voices, or footfalls on the floor that were not his own. While Henry enjoyed solitude, he preferred it out on a fishing boat, not in a house built for a family but home to a single man. He contemplated his question for a couple days before he even dared to ask Shawn his opinion. After all, he did not want to put out an offer he would later retract. He felt a mistake like that might cost him Shawn and his grandsons forever.

Shawn was watching Skyler and Liam play in the yard when Henry approached him. He had never felt so nervous about asking Shawn a question. That might not be true; nonetheless, in this moment, it never felt truer. The worst Shawn could possibly say was, "No thanks, Dad." But somehow, Henry knew such an answer would leave him devastated.

"I bet Gus is enjoying having his apartment to himself for a few days," Henry began, venturing into the subject carefully.

Shawn's lips twitched into a hollow smile. "Probably," he agreed with a sigh, "He's a good friend."

Henry hesitated. "Do you think you will be looking for a place of your own soon?"

To Henry's surprise, Shawn bristled. "I'm doing the best I can, Dad," Shawn almost growled, his voice dangerously low. "I'm not a freeloader like I used to be, but…times aren't good right now."

"That's not what I'm saying. I know you're doing what you have to, Shawn, I don't doubt that for a moment. You are doing an amazing job under the circumstances." Henry tried to diffuse the bomb he had not even realized he had ignited; however, it seemed to only aggravate the situation even more.

Shawn fingers gripped the porch railing so tight his knuckles turned white. "Then what _are_ you saying, Dad?"

Henry winced at the accusation, not entirely undeserved. For years, Shawn had lived under scrutiny. Every comment Henry made had a not-so-hidden meaning behind it, usually derogatory. In response, Shawn had learned to take Henry's word flippantly, almost throwing any meaning back in Henry's face as if to announce, _I don't care what you think of me._ Secretly, Henry always knew it had mattered more than anything.

The older Spencer inhaled a deep breath, and let it seep slowly through his lips, allowing his emotions to settle a little before he continued his explanation. "I have a proposition," Henry began again, "one that I have thought very hard about. Otherwise, I wouldn't bring it up at all."

Shawn glared into the grass, his eyes dark despite the Henry's soothed tone. "And what proposition is that?" he asked, his voice suddenly soft, not matching his somber features.

"I've lived alone for a long time, Shawn. I thought I didn't mind it, even liked it," Henry cleared his throat, cutting off his own rambling. "What I'm trying to say is, I would like it if you and the boys wanted to stay with me indefinitely…until you get things settled, I mean, whenever that is."

Shawn's eyes flickered up, meeting Henry's briefly before darting away to watch his sons again. "You're actually serious?"

"As a heart attack." Henry grinned, appreciating his own poor humor. It sounded a little like Shawn used to talk.

"That's a big offer, Dad," Shawn sighed. "A really big offer."

"It is."

Shawn's laugh is pitched with relief. "I don't really know what to say, Dad."

"Say yes," Henry replied quickly, maybe too quickly. He felt like he might have just spooked a wild animal.

However, Shawn's authentic, slightly crooked, smile is answer enough. "I want to apologize in advance for the boys and their rowdiness."

"You forget I raised you, Shawn."

Shawn laughed, but it came out as more of a stifled sob. "Nah, I didn't forget. Thanks, Dad. For everything. I mean it."

"Thanks for coming home, Shawn," Henry replied. "For letting me be involved in your sons' lives. That means the world to me."

"Same, Dad." Shawn's familiar smile quivered faintly, and Henry knew that Shawn wished a lot of things had happened differently. That Katherine were still here, to meet Henry on friendly terms, to see her sons grow up. Henry wished for it too.

* * *

"You're sure you want to do this," Gus said.

Shawn finished rolling up the air mattress, pressing out the last hiss of air. "I know it seems like the worst idea I've ever had," Shawn said with a bitter smirk.

"Now, I wouldn't say _the worst_."

"You wouldn't be entirely wrong," Shawn chuckled darkly.

"You know you don't have to leave, Shawn," Gus said. "I don't mind you boys being here whatsoever. I've welcome to stay as long as you need."

Shawn smiled. "I can't ever thank you enough for everything you've done for us, Gus. You were there for us when no one else was, and there is nothing on earth I could do to repay that. However, we both know that the boys sleeping on an air mattress indefinitely is not the best idea either."

"My door's always open if things don't go as planned," Gus said.

"Thanks, buddy." Shawn stood, and clapped Gus on the shoulder. "Really."

Gus cleared his throat. "I guess it will be nice having your dad right there to babysit once in a while…if you want to start working outside the home, you know?"

"That probably won't be until Skyler starts school," Shawn said.

Gus shrugged. "Who knows. Plans change. Obviously," he said, indicating the packed-up room. "Seriously, Shawn, you guys are welcome back any time."


End file.
